late night thoughts

While others already started their revision, I am still struggling to finish my clerking notes as I am supposed to submit my logbook by tomorrow. This is the price that I should pay for procrastinating until the end. I shall sit on my last examination for third year a week from now. A year had passed. Should I be more wiser and matured than before. As a third year medical student, I am expected to know how to diagnose and rule out differential diagnosis. To be frank, I only knew few things,and it is my fault to always keep the questions till the very end in which later unanswered. Seemed like I had lost enthusiasm to learn. I don't understand myself anymore. I don't even know whats my heart wants. Taught that medicine is not my thing. So shall I quit?

suicide banana

I never knew the existence of Arlina Banana till KakSyu showed me her hilarious videos. I started to follow her and scrolling all the way down her instagram to see her videos from the very beginning as she seemed quite interesting to me. And then I knew that she's actually sick. She's depressed. 

Depression.

I learnt this subject in my second year. The exact pathophysiology is unclear, but studies suggest that it happens due to disturbance of the neurotransmitter in the central nervous system which is serotonin (5-HT). Serotonin has so much vital function contributing to our moods. Good moods. The etiology is multi factorial, can be due to genetics or environmental factors such as broken family, unconducive workplace, heavy workload and yes cyber-bullying. Depression is not something to be laughed of. It is real. People with depression has significant potential for morbidity and mortality. They have high tendency to injure themselves or worse commit suicide. 

I happened to see the tweets posted by Arlina Banana about suicides. I did read the response from others too. Frankly speaking, our community is sick. How can you laugh at someone who has psychiatric problem? This kind of act is shameful. Your tweets is the mirror of yourself. The way you spit the words show that you are uneducated. You are such a stupid moron that just sitting on your lazy ass condemning people that you don't even know the stories behind her struggle to keep on living, with your harsh words you then kill her.

Word kills.

If she happen to be your siblings, will you be happy seeing her die? She's dying. Your words might kill her. So then, can I consider you guys as murderers? 

Yes, Islam teaches us to preserve our soul. We're not God to decide death. It is beyond our capabilities. And people who commit suicide, the best place for them is the Hell Fire as what mentioned in Quran. But, it is between them and God. Not us to decide. Instead of adding the stress making them more depressed, why don't we comfort them with good words? 

Words may heal. 

Selamat Hari Raya in advanced!

comfort zone

"move out of your comfort zone, you can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new"

I really need to escape from this little box ive been living since young.