Wednesday, February 2, 2022

booktoks made me buy it

I used to love reading malay fiction books years ago.
Like every single weekend I would go to the bookstore to buy a single book and I could finish reading it within 1-2 days. 
The moment I entered second year of medschool I became detached to it. 
And years later, when I was in my last posting of housemaship I came across my friend's ig story about religious books from Mizi Wahid, it's beautiful. I bought the whole set for myself.
Andddddd the last thing I know I now own about 50 fiction books ha-ha. 
Have I read all of them? 
Absolutely no. 

Told my husband buying books and reading books are two different hobbies. 
I like the feeling of you own something. 
This books are now finally under my possessions. 
It's all started with tiktok. 
They are all booktok recommended. 

Now that I want to focus on my part 1, I no longer read the books, but still I want to buy more.
But alhamdulliah I managed to suppress the syaiton inside me, ha-ha-ha. 
I still went to bookstore once in a week, but only for sight seeing :p

Once in a while, I would go to the online bookstore, book depository, mph, bookxcess, some shopees, it's a good feeling seeing good books. 
I feel like want to own them astargfirullah. 
But the feeling is only temporary. 

If you look at my TBR list ya Allah it's a long list. 
Dont know when I'm gonna finish them.
Inshallah one day. 

Eh how come people can read one 800 pages book in one day???
Like A Little Life, The Priory of the Orange Tree etc. 
If only I can read the whole oxford revision note in one day...
Not gonna happen aint it zzz

Andddd it's finally my favorite month of the year. 
The parcel from bookdepository is on it's way. 

Bertambahlah tbr list saya.

Till then, 

Sunday, January 9, 2022

Another milestones

I thought I'm going to stay longer in PKRC, but turns out tomorrow I'm gonna start my new journey in a new department.

I have a lot in my mind right now, like wow can I totally do this? 

It's easy to tell people, 

"no worries, youre gonna be fine "

"it's okay, you can do this" 

"dont worry to much"

But when it comes to me myself, when I'm in their shoes, I too feel the same. 

Going out from comfort place is surely not that easy. 

Entering a new place, mixed emotions and feelings. I'm happy to start a new journey, but I'm afraid I cant go with it. There's many what ifs. Oh God

Have I forget the concept of mindfulness that I've been holding since years back when I was introduced to it. 

Months ago, when I had come to the decision to moved to Kuching following my husband, at one point I was confident surely I will get this, but then for no reasons I became anxious and worried what ifs I dont get it, then I would be PJJ with my husband, he's in Kuching I'm in Johor, we cannot see each other as usual as we used to. 

Then I talked to this one friend, she told me, 

"Babe..I can sense you are very anxious..but right now you are fearing something that doesn't exist. For all you know you already got kuching and it's just processing..and you are wasting your time worrying.Just recap the past...everything you worried abt has one outcome only. They all worked out you wanted to. This is gonna be just the same. You have to trust me and trust god. Sometimes..your intuition sense something is coming in your way. But then you get confused and get anxious instead. This is normal neurophysiology"

She's damn right. 

Few days later, I called JKN and yes I got what I want. 


He is all hearing. 

He is all knowing. 

And He is the best planner. 

Show I be worried now about tomorrow? 


Just go with the flow. 

Put trust on Him but at the same time do my very best. 

I'm gonna love this place. 

I always find doing solat sunat when I'm in the state anxious/worry/sad is very comforting. 

And I should do it now. 

I'm gonna be just fine.


Saturday, January 1, 2022

Happy New Year 2022

Happy New Year 2022! 

Hopefully this year will be better than the previous ones. 
I'm turning 29 this year. 
Alamak, nak 30 tahun dah. 

When I was a little girl, I always wonder how it feels like growing old, then you move out from your house to further your study/ working, subsequently you got married and having kids. 
Like macam mana I nak bayar bills? 
Pandai ke I nak drive nanti? 
What if I tinggal jauh daripada family, how? 

Maka dah terjawablah semua ha-ha.

Sekali betul-betul ya tinggal jauh, seberang Laut China Selatan kau. 
Hopefully I will enjoy staying here. 
Later when I going back Semenanjung, when people ask me how's Kuching? hopefully I will answer bestttt, I really enjoy myself there, nice place, nice people, banyak tempat menarik I dah pergi, it's surely a nice experiencelah serving there. 
Bilalah tu agaknya dapat pindah balik Semenanjung ya.

Dah boleh start counting days nak balik Semenanjung.
3 minggu lagi. 
I harap Covid last tahun nilahh. 
Please no more MCO thingy ke, kita memang kena hidup dalam situasi endemic ni, macam mana dulu kita hidup dengan denggi, denggi endemic what. I know there's a lot differences between this two.
Please I nak raya tahun ni. 
My husband dah 2 tahun tak balik raya kampung dia. 
Nasib tahun lepas dah kawin dengan I, kalau tak dia pun krik krik raya sorang dekat Selangor. 

Semoga yang baik-baiklah untuk kita tahun ni. 
Macam biasa, tahun baru mesti ada azam baru. 

So, azam I (dalam hati) inshallah akan diusahakan semuanya.