Halmeoni

At this age, I am grateful for still having grandparents. Both of them are over 80 years old. They have been married for 59 years. Inshallah tahun depan 60th anniversary. Jubli intan kata atuk. I've never seen couples yang dah lama macam ni. Nilah baru relationship goals/iship or whatever ship you call it lol. They're not as strong as they used to be. Nenek paling ketara. She's so weak now. I was home a couple of weeks ago. I felt lonely at home. Mak kerja, adik kerja, adik lagi satu dah sambung belajar (kalau dia ada pun still rasa macam takde), abah kebun. Nenek used to cook breakfast and lunch for us. Lepas breakfast, she'll surely ask me to bring her buying groceries. Nenek ramai kawan. Pantang jumpa kawan tak kisahlah kat kenduri kawin ke, kedai ke, pasar ke, ya tohan berjam (hiperbola) tunggu nak habis berbual. 

Okay yang ni kelakar. Kalau mak/adik/aku takde, atuk yang bawa nenek pergi kedai. Alhamdulliah at the age of 85, atuk can still drive. Adalah satu hari tu, atuk cerita dekat adik waktu tengah makan,

"Punyalah lama atuk tunggu nenek beli barang tak siap-siap. Ingat banyak sangat barang yang dia beli, rupanya sibuk berbual dengan kawan. Lama atuk tunggu"

For sure nenek ada kat situ masa atuk cerita and guess what, nenek merajuk! Berkatalah nenek pada atuk,

"Hmm esok awak jelah pergi kedai, saya tak pergi"

Hahahahaha comel je merajuk-merajuk macam ni even dah tua. Mestilah kena pujuk kan, kalau tak kenalah atuk beli barang dapur sendiri lol. 

Yes, my grandma is so cute. I love talking about nenek & atuk. I started to appreciate them more bila dah jauh ke Kuantan. To be frank, I never know what it feels like to lost someone you love cause I've never been there. I cannot imagine one day, waking up in the morning knowing that my life isn't as what it used to be. 

I felt lonely now at home sebab nenek banyak habiskan masa baring kat bilik. She couldn't stand for long time, afraid she'll stumble and fall. Her weight reduced up to 38kg. Keding sangat, bontot pun tinggal tulang je. Nenek dari dulu lagi makan tak berselera sangat. Atuk selera besar tapi dokter suruh kurangkan makanan berlemak & santan sebab cholesterol tinggi. Alhamdulliah atuk ni ikut nasihat dokter, dah within normal range dah the cholesterol level tu. We always marah nenek makan sikit sangat. Ciput sangat. Risau lah kan. Sekarang kalau teringin nak makan apa-apa, kena belajar buat sendiri. Nenek tak larat dah nak masak berdiri lama sangat kat dapur tu. 

Cuti haritu, for the first time I made pengat pisang, jemput-jemput. Memanglah simple je kan, tapi remember every family ada resepi turun-temurun (eceh). Dah 24 tahun makan masakan nenek, of course dah ada attachment kat situ. Sadly takde sorang pun anak nenek yang boleh masak macam nenek. I mean the taste is wayyyy different. Bukanlah tak sedap. Tapi bila makan tu, mestilah nak compare. Tak pekatlah, kurang rasa bla bla bla. Even my mom learns from Google hmm. So I think dah tiba masanya untuk belajar masak and adakan buku resepi rahsia masakan nenek. Imagine one day nenek dah takde, mana nak dapat rasa yang sama :( 

Bila dah besar ni baru tahu nak appreciate orang yang besarkan kita. I love to lie beside atuk & nenek. Peluk kuat-kuat and flashback. Kalau peluk atuk,suka cakap, 

"Besarlah perut atuk"

Pastu tepuk-tepuk, nanti atuk cakap

"Meletup nanti perut atuk"

There is midline abdominal surgical scars. 2 kali operate. Yang first tu tak ingat, second for peritonitis secondary to perforated peptic ulcer. Atuk ada osteoarthritis, makan NSAIDs dah lama. Hmm tapi macam pernah terbaca medical record atuk ada adhesion colic. Tak ingatlah. 

Kalau peluk nenek, suka cakap,

"Nekkkk kurus sangatlah tinggal tulang je"

Yang sedihnya bila nenek jawab itu hari,

"Nanti nenek dah takde jangan gaduh sesama adik-beradik"
"Macam manalah nanti kalau nenek takde"

Nenek tak pernah cakap macam tu. First time. I felt worried gila namateyyyy. Atuk selalu cakap. Bila tepuk-tepuk perut dia nanti atuk cakap, 

"Atuk dah nak mati. Kawan-kawan atuk semua dah tak ada" 

Hmmmmmm.

I know mati itu pasti. But I'm not ready for any lost. Siapa je yang ready kan? Just need to face it. Throwback ke ramadhan lepas. Lepas buka, lepak jap tengok cerita favorite semorang kat rumah sepanjang ramadhan haritu "Seharum Mawar". Hmm kalau tanya abah pun dia boleh cerita jalan cerita from A-Z. Serius. Semua orang tengok okay. Masatu makcu ada kat rumah dengan anak suami dia. Anak dia yang last omg takboleh makcu hilang dari pandangan nak nangis je kerja. Sikit-sikit nak nangis macam eii boleh diam tak? 

So, anak dia nangis. Aku pun apa lagi,

"Eiii asyik nangis je Ira ni. Bisinglahhhh"

Dan mereka semua mula throwback zaman aku kecik-kecik dulu. 

"Samalah kau dulu masa kecik, takleh jauh sikit dengan nenek, 3 kali panggil tak nyahut, melalak" 

Eh, kita pulak kena? Hahahaha. Nenek senyum je masa cerita tu. Tambah nenek lagi,

"Ingat masa kau berapa tahun tah, melalak dekat Giant cari nenek tak jumpa"

Hmmm tak ingatttt pun nekkkkkk. Tu belum lagi cerita aku melalak kalau lambat amik balik sekolah. Walaupun nenek tak pernah cakap, aku selalu rasa aku ada special connection dengan nenek. Yelah daripada kecik kot tinggal sekali. I can tell you for hours about nenek & atuk and I will never get tired. 

Tak semua orang dapat nikmat grandparents yang baik. Ada atuk sanggup makan cucu sendiri. Ada nenek tak mengaku cucu. Jadi, nikmat mana lagi yang kau dustakan? 

One day when I read this post, I'll surely miss nenek so much and she might not be there to hug :( Let this post be a reminder that I should be thankful to God for having them as my grandparents. 

Nanti-nanti:)

Reply 2008

Tiap kali naik kereta dengan abah, mesti dia akan dengar lagu 70/80's. Setiap kali. Tak kisahlah siapa pun yang drive, aku ke mak ke dia ke adik ke, mesti lagu lama juga yang dia nak dengar. Kalau abah tidur baru boleh tukar channel lain. Ya ampun aku dahlah tak suka sangat lagu lama. Tak enjoy langsung dengar. Macam eii apalah salahnya abah ni dengar lagu sekarang, asyik lagu lama je. Pernah je dia dengar, pastu nanti mesti complain apa ni banyak o o o pastu jerit-jerit, cuba dengar lagu lama, tenang je dengar. Hek eleh mana tah tenangnya, aku dengar hmmmm tak boleh go lah yang penting. 

Sekarang ni berlambak lagu baru keluar. Tapi tak semualah yang bebetul menusuk kalbu menikam jiwa. Ada yang boleh layan ada yang tak. Lepastu kalau tetiba radio main lagu zaman aku sekolah, amboi kemain semangat nak nyanyi, pastu mesti teringat zaman muda-muda dulu. At that moment, tetiba aku jadi faham kenapa abah nak dengar sangat lagu lama, sebab kita tend to dengar balik lagu yang kita membesar dengan. Baru-baru ni aku start buat collection lagu, aku burn letak dalam album; Awesome Mix Vol 1-3 (dah ada 3 volume). Satu aku bagi Shahrin, lagi 2 ada dengan aku. Almost semua lagu zaman sekolah dulu. Dalam album first, ada satu lagu baru, second dua, tiga takde langsung. Yang ketiga ni lagu Yuna & Hujan. Minat gila kot dulu masa sekolah. Tapi takdelah semuanya aku suka, yang jenis jerit-jerit tu memang outlah. Aku suka jenis yang slow, macam tengah cakap hahahaha. 

Masa tengah burn tu aku terberangan, nanti-nanti bila ada anak, tetiba anak terjumpa collection album aku pastu excited nak mainkan lagu yang ada dalam tu, walaupun masatu entah lagu jenis apa entah yang ada di pasaran. Aku download daripada converter youtube-mp3. Waktu cari kat youtube tu aku just wonderlah kenapa ea lagu sekarang baru keluar viewers kejap je naik beribu-riban, lagu-lagu zaman indie ni dah bertahun kat youtube pun nak dapat 500k pun payah. Oh yelah dulu zaman aku sekolah dulu bukan semua rumah ada internet, ada pun tak semua jenis yang laju. Yang connect dengan telefon tu lagilah lembap nak mampus, pakai jaring tu ha. Sekarang almost every kids dah ada smartphones sendiri, internet takyah cakaplah punyalah senang nak dapat. Kalau smartphones takde internet zaman sekarang ni kira noob betullah tu. Baik campak je baling anjing lol. K gurau. Tapi betullah apa barang guna smartphones kalau takde internet, yedak?

Aku frust gak ah masa download lagu tadi sebabnya Muda by Hujan yang aku dengar zaman sekolah dulu lirik dia lain. Dulu aku dengar "alangkah indahnya dunia jika kita semua, tak akan membesar" tapi sejak bila tah dah tukar jadi "alangkah indahnya dunia jika kita semua, melangkah ke depan". Hmm maybe sebab lirik yang first tu tak relevan kot. Yelah memang taklah kita semua stay remaja sampai bebila kan. So betullah decision diorang untuk tukar, tapi still aku frustttt. Lol. 

One of favorite songs masa sekolah dulu masa zaman-zaman indie baru nak up. Lagu ni tak pernah masuk radio rasanya. Nilah zaman shawl baru nak up gak. Waktu ni sibuk tudung yuna. Sekarang banyak pesen tudung dah ada kat pasaran. Pilihlah mana yang berkenan di hati. Kalau melayu buat cerita macam Reply series, maybe boleh buat Reply 2008. Lagu indie baru nak naik. Macam Reply 1997 pasal Sech Kies & H.O.T, Reply 1994 hmm pasal apa ek?

Tak lupa juga zaman waktu lagu Indon tengah hot gila dekat Malaysia. Ya ampun gratis bangat. Sekalilah dengan zaman indie ni. K lah bye.

Nanti-nanti :)

after all this time, i'm still into you

Few days ago while scrolling all the way down the Facebook, I found quite an interesting article talking about 21 problems only people in long distance relationships will understand. Well, if you have been reading my blog, I bet you know that I have been in a long distance relationship since 6 years ago. Yes, 6 years of ups and downs. May this is the last one. 

Among those 21 things, there are 3 things that are really related to us.

"You find reasons to argue about irrelevant things just because you miss each other"

"You misunderstand the tone of your partner even when everything is fine"

"But in the end, you always make up. Because nothing can come close to that feeling when you do meet. And this is why you are still in that long distance relationship"

Damn, too good to be true.

But first, I think I need to clarify that it is always me who pick the fight, because I am such an immature-overthinking-clingy-and-annoying girlfriend ever. I really need to change before it is too late. I had tried many times, yet never succeeded. Why did I pick the quarrel? I just don't know why. Hmm actually I had figured out recently. And hopefully my future self, when you read this later, you have overcame the issue. 

So what are the things that can bring me to initiate the fight? Most of time because the way I read his messages was different from the way he really mean it. Well you know when you write message, I think most of us did this, we don't put commas. Without it, the sentence may become misleading. Plus the tone you use to read, made it more real. And that's how the biggest fight happened in May. Why it was the biggest? Because we took almost 2 months to reconcile. We never took more than a day. 

I thought it was the end of us, but in just a blink, I don't know, God's work, somehow we made it. Thank goodness. 

Back in 2012, we had a fight.

He told me recently that at that time he was thinking of giving up, he then asked me out the day after. He came all the way from his former study place, woke up early in the morning to rent a car, then got into the train, to come to me. And just like magic, the moment he saw me, the feelings of letting go gone like ashes. So I think the hypothesis; kalau gaduh kena jumpa depan-depan baru tau sayang taknak lepaskan, is accepted. It has been proven. We met a week ago, the feeling was still the same. I can feel it when I looked into his eyes. The way he looked at me, the way he talked to me, were all the same. Like the old days. After all the fights, we are still into each other.

May he's the one.

"At this moment of time, I just want us to be happy, together"

of medical school

Alhamdulliah I had passed year 4 of medschool. Another 1 year to go inshallah before I finally practicing as a medical doctor. I could still picture the things I had gone through since I started my journey as a medical student, even before that, 2 years in foundation centre. Total up it has been 6 years. Looking back, I just can't believe I had gone this far. Just wow. The first day of medschool, I was thinking how I am going to get through this? I couldn't even brain the medical terms. Everything seemed difficult back then. But now, no matter how hard it is, with the supports and prayers I got, I know I can get through this. Though sometimes it is so frustrating, irritating, confusing, tiring, you name it, I really have a pleasant time.

May God ease my journey to be a good and competent medical doctor.
:)