speaking about sexual assault in childhood

It was the morning of my off day when I texted my friend to ask regarding a new scan case admitted to our ward. It was my first time. One of my friends, doing an amazing job in digging the crucial information from the child, in which the child could describe each of every event in a detailed manner.

“How’s the siblings? Got molested too?”
“Ya, from the history”

Seriously man? It’s a young kid we’re talking about. They got sexually harassed by a known person who is closed to their family, someone trusted by their parents, in their own house, and it has been happening for multiple times until one night the elder sister suddenly asking the mother,

“Mommy, why uncle put his penis into my mouth?”

Disgusting right?! This fella is totally a monster!

Good thing is, the mother believes the child and lodged police report first thing in the morning and that crazy monster (you may insert any curse words that you have in mind) got arrested on the same day. May he rot in jail and of course the lowest part of hell! From the history itself, penetration had  occurred, evidenced by old tears over labia minora from the physical examination. 

I feel enraged, disgusted and disappointed.

What’s exactly in his head, what was he thinking?

In this case, I would like to blame the parents and of course the perpetrator himself. It was the parents at the first place letting the man to come and go whenever he wants and even got him a room to stay. You shouldn’t let a friend to live with you in a house together with your wife and daughters, even how loyal and trusted he is. Most of the rape/ sexual harassment cases occurred is done by a known person; they can be a close family member like your own siblings, your in laws, your father, grandfather, uncles, or even cousins. There should be a limit up to what point we can allow a friend to mingle with our personal life. 

Most of the time, the child would remain quiet. When asked they’ll say because the perpetrator threaten never to tell anyone or else something bad will happen to them. Now, what can happen to a child after multiple episodes of sexual harassment?:

1.       They might show some behavioural changes. A child who’s previously cheerful turning into an introvert, they keep quiet, socially withdrawn from others. They might show symptoms of depression or post- traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Some may develop fear to the opposite gender, even to their own family members. They might having sexual related psychiatry disorder later on in life.

2.       They might grow up thinking this kind of thing is OKAY. Especially when they’re asking for help but no one believes. In some family where the guys are the solely breadwinner, the other woman in the family tend to keep quiet, because what they have in mind is “if I lodge police report, what will happen to our family, he’s the only one working, if he’s going to jail, no one’s gonna provide us food, money, shelter ” No report done, child keep on getting harassed sexually again and again up to the point she thinks this is OKAY. When she gets into high school she might doing it with her friends.  And… another problem raised, teenage pregnancy.

Scary isnt it?

This is why SEX EDUCATION is important.

However, it is still a taboo in our society.

Well, actually sex education isn’t just about practicing safe sex. It’s wayyyyy more than that. It’s about:

1.       Human development including reproduction, puberty, sexual orientation and gender identity

2.       Relationship including families, friendships and romantic relationship

3.       Personal skills like communication, negotiation and decision making

4.       Sexual behaviour including abstinence and sexuality throughout life

5.       Sexual health including sexually transmitted disease, contraception and pregnancy

6.       Society and culture including gender roles, diversity and sexuality

Above is the picture on how we can protect a child.

What we can do are:

-          Tell them there are parts of their body that cannot be touched by other person. Chest, genitals, inner thighs, buttock. If someone touches it,  tell them to tell the parents, if parents not around, do shout and call for help. Teach them to remember their name, parent’s name and phone number and if possible home address.

-          Do not let them sitting on other people’s lap including our closed family members. It’s a no-no. A pervert can anytime slide their hand towards the forbidden areas.

-          Start separating them from the siblings of different gender. Do not let them sleeping together in the same bedroom.

-          Train them to be brave to speak up. Anything wrong happened, do not hesitate to tell, and as a parent, we need to be all ears and trust them.

-          Do not change clothes in front of them. Teach them to knock the door first before coming into parents room, and parents need to lock the door so they child won’t see things that should not be seen.

-          Get to know the people in children’s life. Know who the child is spending time with, including other children and adults.

-          Choose caregivers carefully. Nowadays, even babies being raped by the family members of the caregivers hmm. What a bunch of sick people!

Indeed, it is not easy to raise a child.
Surely, it takes a village to make it work!
And everything starts from home.


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