fast forward 8 months

Up to yesterday, 500 days had passed since the first MCO was implemented. 

Never had I imagined, the MCO would still be ongoing up to these days. It should have been ended months back. 

Yet, COVID-19 cases keep on rising each day, exceeding 1 millions cases from late July. We all know who's the culprit behind this. If only Sabah state election were not happened, I would probably enjoying my holiday somewhere in one of the spectacular islands in Borneo with my husband right now. 

Fast forward 8 months, 

I have become a wife, to the love of my life after 10 years of dating, on my 28th birthday early this year. People do asked me the question, what it feels like marrying someone I have been knowing since my teenage years? Well, i can say it feels like home :> He makes me feel like home. I can feel the comfort, the warmth and tender of his love and affections. Praise be to Allah for this gift. 

I'm grateful that we managed to hold our wedding ceremony a month after we tied the knot, a month later a nationwide full lockdown was commenced.

As for me this total lockdown is a total failure, you see we are far from 4000 cases, let alone 0 cases. Many had loses their jobs, unable to put food on the table, a lot had loses their loved ones, young wives lost their husbands in the fight, a husband that is the only bread winner leaving them penniless, struggles to raise the kids, some goes into depressive state, to a worst case scenario committed suicide, countless children had become orphaned, clueless of their future. If only "they" close down the great contributor to this mess, the factories. This is what happen when the one with power cares only the sustenance of their position, their eyes sees nothing but greed for power, money and lust, even as the one below the chain lives in devastation and despair. 

There is no freedom of speech in the country. 

Our voices will never be heard. 

The question is how long do we need to keep up with this MCO thingy? People dying everyday. The curve isnt going to flatten in near future, are we only depending on the vaccination programme alone? This MCO is certainly not effective at all. 

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I have finished my housemanship training in July. I'm now a medical officer working in covid wards with 12 hours shift and 1 day off per week. To be honest, it's tiring. As the number of cases rise, we need more beds to cater all the patients. More than half of the wards in the hospital have been converted to covid wards. I see people suffer everyday, people gasping for air to live, I see their last breath, we couldnt save them from death. 

I find it hard explaining to their family members the patient's condition especially those who are unstable, in critical state where death is waiting at the door. The one that look stable the day before, or even in the morning, walking forth and back to the toilet, around the ward, with good oxygenation, asymptomatic upon admission, suddenly collapsed, intubated and the next thing you know, he's gone, to the eternal land. 

A month in covid ward. 

One day, I started to develop cough and sore throat. I had an unusual feeling, the feeling gets stronger the night I had a high grade fever of 39.2 degree celcius and the next night where I started to have anosmia, I smell nothing. I knew this isnt just a common cold. So, I went for swab and as expected I was tested positive for Covid-19. The moment I knew this news, I cried, a lot. I was afraid, I had seen worse. I called my mother to inform the bad news, she wailed in tears, so I am. I started to overthink, I told my husband if I get admitted and the condition gets worse, I would choose for intubation as the prognosis is good for young people. He gave me a silent gaze. 

What I afraid most came to reality, on 27th July the whole family confirmed positive for Covid-19. Thank God my grandparents are protected from this illness. Many of my colleagues too tested positive for Covid-19. Even so, the day after we completed quarantine, we will continue serving the nation in covid wards, and "they" still denies for us the permanent post. Irony isnt it? 

Today, I'm on my eleventh day of illness (from swab on 23rd July). Alhamdulliah I'm getting better. I have gotten back the sense of smell. I'm back to my usual self. I can cook for the family, had finished my second painting, reading books, watching my favorite shows, I'm planning on finishing all the books I'd bought before buying the new ones, those recommended books on Tiktok. I have 10+ more days of quarantine, as I was told by the PKD in charge, I have to follow the date of the last positive person in the house which is my husband. 

My grandparents are going for their second swab tomorrow, hopefully this too will turn out negative, just please, they're too old for this, their body are fragile, they couldnt withstand the pain. Inshallah, negative test for both of them. 

Please pray for our recovery. 

I miss seeing my grandparents, and my cats too especially Yulip.

I told my husband this around bedtime, when this pandemic ends, let's go for honeymoon :>