Empathy

"Why the patient reluctant to be clerked?"
"..........."
"Why the patient doesn't want to disclose their social history?"
".........."
"Why?"
".........."
"Because you don't have empathy towards the patient. Because you are selfish. You don't think the patient as a whole. You are just interested in their diseases. You don't have interest in them. If I were the patient, I would do the same. I would be reluctant to give you information regarding my condition. I don't want to be clerked by you. You can be doctor, but not a good doctor. You see doctors nowadays, some of them posting about the patients on social networking. You think its good? You shouldn't reveal your patients to public. They have put their trust on you. If they were your close relatives, wouldn't you be mad if some other doctors disclose their information to the public? Wouldn't you be mad when they are just treating the disease but not the patient?"
"..(a punch on my face).."

Those are some advice from Prof N, a consultant surgeon, during bedside teaching yesterday morning.

OK,

-I should correct they way of approaching patients.
-Every time I come into the ward I suppose to pray silently for the patient's health.
-I should not interest in their disease only, that's so selfish. Wouldn't it hurt when someone begins the conversation by asking,

"datang sebab apa pakcik/makcik/uncle/auntie/puan/encik/adik?"

-Next, every time I walk into the ward, I should speak silently in the heart may Allah bless me for all day long, and granted me endless & unforgettable knowledge so that I can apply it in the future when I'm practicing as a physician.

Sure medicine is a lifelong journey that requires a lot of sacrifice, it wont never be easy, but I wont regret it, I have choose this path, I wont look back, I should enjoy every bit moment of it. I just have to work harder and harder.

Oh Allah, ease my way.

still a long way to go

1) Dokter ni memang dari medical student dulu awesome macam ni ke?
2) Takde ke dalam dunia ni consultant ke specialist yang mana masa medical student dulu macam   aku, bila tanya ini taktau itu tak tahu, hmm mesti takde kan?
3) Oh kira akulah medical student yang paling tak pandai sekali dalam dunia ni?
4) So nanti bila aku jadi dokter, jenis dokter macam mana ya aku akan jadi?
5) Sebenarnya aku ni layak ke tak nak jadi dokter ni?
6) Hmm macam tak cukup competent je nak jadi dokter, boleh ke ni?
7) Kenapa banyak gila benda yang aku taktau ni?
8) Kenapa orang lain lagi pandai?
9) Macam mana nak jadi seawesome dokter-dokter ni?

Antara persoalan yang tak terjawab tiap kali lepas bedside teaching dengan dokter-dokter dan kawan-kawan yang awesome.

Hmm jawapan tu sebenarnya ada pada diri sendiri...

Fatty Bambam

#1

"Makkkkkk, baju banyak dah takmuatlah, makin mengecil dan menyendat, sedihlah mak"

"Tulah baju banyak beli saiz S" 

#2

"Sayangggg, kite dah gemuk banyak baju dah tak muat pastu berat dah naik jadi 52kg"

"Tulah cakap orang gemuk lagi padan muka"

#3

"Weiii aku dah gemuk baju masa first year banyak dah tak muat"

"Kau nak kurus macam mana lagi okaylah ni"

Instead of giving me encouragement to get in shape macam dulu-dulu semorang bertindak untuk malas nak layan. Hmm k sobs. Okay takpe I'll make sure before my friend's wedding next month I'll get back my previous body weight of 48kg. Seminggu sekilo takkan tak boleh kan? Positive sikit. Instead of beli baju baru yang lebih besar baik aku turunkan berat badan untuk pakai balik baju-baju yang dah mengetat tu. Satu sebab membazir. Duanya kalau aku beli baju baru yang lebih besar dia akan buat aku leka okay aku tak gemuk lagi so I can eat whatever I want sampailah baju tu mengetat which mungkin masatu macam tong drum dah kot? 

So, I am temporarily you fatty bambam.
Lepasni you can no longer call me that.

Nanti-nanti.
:)

Monolog

Kadang-kadang aku rasa aku macam mengambil kesempatan terhadap Rahmat Allah. Dah dekat nak exam baru minta betul-betul sebelum tu doa acuh tak acuh je, laju je doa, tak menghayati langsung pun. Ah kalau tak kerana pertolongan Allah aku takkan terus berada dekat sini. Aku rasa aku kurang kebergantungan kepada Allah sebab tu tak habis-habis dengan isu insecure dengan orang lain. Tak habis dengan isu rasa diri paling bodoh paling kerdil paling taktau apa-apa. Tak habis isu dengan berperang dengan sifat malas hari-hari dan sering kalinya aku tewas.

Memang rasa tak layak langsung pakai white coat tu sebab ilmu tak banyak mana pun. Kadang rasa macam nak campak white coat ke luar, eh boleh tak aku nak clerk patient tanpa pakai white coat. Takdelah rasa berat sangat tanggungjawab sebagai medical student tu. Medical student ni dalam hospital tu ialah the lowest of the lowest tau. Tapi jalan kemain nak gah lagi ilmu suam-suam kuku, bila doktor tanya taktau. Ya Allah sedihnya dengan diri sendiri. 

Exam yang lepas posting lain semua pass siap ada distinction lagi kecuali posting aku (O&G) yang orang kata senang sangat tu kalau fail peliklah sebab memang jarang sangat orang fail. Group lain dah menyahkan "Fail" tu tapi group aku masih ada, dan tak ada langsung distinction. 

Aku kena kerja kuat lagi ni. Jangan lembik beno. Kena rajin lagi study. Surgical posting (posting sekarang) dah tak ada dah study week. Kalau rasa nak study last minute takpayahlah jadi dokter. Tolonglah jangan main-main lagi. 

Tak cukup malu lagi ke dengan Allah? Boleh hitung berapa banyak je kebaikan yang aku buat, tapi Allah masih tolong. Biarlah usaha tu selaras dengan doa bukan suam-suam kuku je. Doa beria study malas tak guna juga. Macam-macam minta bila dah dapat lupa Allah. Allah tak rugi apa-apa. Akulah yang rugi.

Distinction?

Usaha kuatlah. 

Aku takkan kemana kalau Allah tak tolong. 

Ingat tu.