Housemanship: my medical career begins now

Alhamdulliah, indeed the help of Allah is near. Just within 30s I managed to grab a place in Hospital Muar that only offered 13 vacancies for this intake. Today is one of the best moment happened in 2019. Yes, housemanship will be a tough period, it is about sacrifices, struggles and endurance. Though nothing is guaranteed to be okay, inshallah Allah will give me strength and courage to get through this pathway. In fact, this is a noble profession, serving the ummah, for better world, as an agent of the Healer, inshallah for every steps I make with the niah because of Allah, He will grant me with overflowing rewards. May Allah bless us all inshallah.

With that, my medical career begins now.

housemanship: june intake

Alhamdulliah, I am enlisted in june intake for housemanship. Received email yesterday evening. E-ho on 14/5, next Tuesday. I did not expect e-ho to be this early. I expected it would be at the end of May or early June. Indeed, Allah knows best. 

My first choice will always be Hospital Muar as it is the closest to home, 30 mins by car. Second choice would be HospitalBatu Pahat, and third is Hospital Melaka. I really really hope and pray a lot I would get a place in Hospital Muar. In need of good support system to get through my housemanship. 

Inshallah, Allah will ease everything. 

Ameen.

Ramadhan kareem people! 

raya favorite questions

Wow it's almost 9 months since I graduated from medschool and still waiting to becalled for housemanship. Hopefully june intake so that when raya comes, you know during raya this aunties and uncles love to ask questions like: 

When i'm still in medschool: 

1. When youre gonna finish study ea? 

2. Youre in what year already? 

3. Hows school? Can take blood properlynow? 

4. I have this this condition. What do you think? Any good meds for this? 

Anticipated questions for this coming raya: 

1. When youre gonna start working? 

2. Which hospital? 

3. Which department? 

4. When youre gonna get married? 

5. I have this this condition. What do you think? 

Few weeks before Program Transformasi Minda (PTM), we already knew which hospital we're going to work in. The date for PTM has been locked on 24/6- (not sure) usually 5 days kot, means that E-ho will be at the end of May or early June so meanss thattt if I get selected in this intake, I can already give the answer for question 1.  

unsettled feelings

I haven't watch the last installment of MCU for third phase yet. I decided to not scrolling down socmed as usual afraid I'd see the spoilers until two days back when Shahrin asked me which team I am. This question really triggered me, wanted to know more I looked into RDJ's instagram account, reading the comments from fans...scrolling down the twitter...and suddenly I knew the whole storyline even before watching it. I feel soooo frustrated why atthe first place I did read the spoilers 😭 I'm not the die hard fan of MCU but I did watch all the movies, avengers end gameis something everyone has waited for long, it is the end for the first generation of avengers. Even already been warned dont spoil the endgame, after 2 days in cinema you can see spoilers everywhere. I should not read them at all. It was a wrong move ever and now I feel like there's unsettled feelings. Despite that, at the same time I do feel like it's okayyyyy even if I've read the timeline I'll be surprised anyway soon I watch it on this coming Wednesday. Plus the time travel is already quite confusing for me that is why I google for more explanations 😅 Looking forward for the next phase of MCU. 

World's greatest gift

I wonder how it feels like waking up in the morning knowing that the one your lovewhere not around anymore. Throughout my lifetime, I never face any lost in the family. When most of my friends had lost their grandparents, mine still around. Grandma is 82 years old now, while grandpa is 87. They were both 56 & 61 each when they had me. Theyre like my second parents. I am my parents' first born. I was a difficult baby. I cried a lot, like 24/7. No caregivers would dare to accept a cranky baby. They need to go to work, they had hard time to handle me, that was when my grandparents offered hands to help. Since then, I live with them till now. I was 8 when my parents decided to move nearby my grandparents house, they moved in a year later after my father get involved in motor vehicle accident and broke his leg. 

I get used to this environment since the last 8 month after I graduated from medschool, waking up seeing grandma reciting quran in front of tv, while tv played morning news, we then started making breakfast, running errands, visiting relatives together, cook for lunch, talk about everything, cuddling and kissing them. Imagine wake up in the morning knowing all this things were no longer exist. I cannot imagine that. I still remember when I was 7, I wrote a letter to grandma and grandpa each, telling how much they meant to me, thank you for raising me, and begging them to stay with me forever. 

Today I told grandpa, I'm afraid I cant accept their lost once it happens. What if I become too sad till I fall into depression, I cant go to work, I turned everything off,I pushed  everyone away, and just live in my own circle. Grandpa told me, 

"Whatever it is, whatever it takes you have to accept it. You cant change it. Every soul shall taste death. Even if I want Allah to delay it, I cant, it is already destined. You can cry, but dont too much afraid you will fall into misery. Ask Allah for strength.Inshallah we will all be seeing each other in the heaven" 

I felt like crying. Few days before grandma went to Mecca for umrah, she asked me, 

"What will happen to you when I'm gone?"

I lost for words. Cried in silent. She then added, 

"When my time comes and Allah takes me, take care of yourself. I can no longer look after you. Do good and be good" 

Tears rolled down my cheeks. I was hugging her tightly scared of losing her when we had this conversation. 

Alhamdulliah at the age of 26, I still have them around, they had witnessed my oath taking ceremony as a medical doctor the day I graduated from medschool. It stroke my heart when grandpa told me he prayed hard to Allah to give him chance to see me graduating from medschool. Nowhe ask for another chance to witness the day I get married and having kids. 

Even when theyre not around, I would never fail to tell my kids stories about their great- grandparents. Theyre the world's greatest gift. I would never trade them for anything else in this world. 

Grandpa is the best relationship advisor ever! He taught me many things about marriage thingy. Same goes to grandma. Ahhhhhh i love my grandparents so much. In fact, I adore them. Even after 61 years,theyre still being silly towards each other. 

when have the urge to write, write

I promised myself that I would start writing blog regularly since I'm home, unemployed, and have a bundle of free time, but turned up not a single post in February. Luls. My life currently is a bit boring I would say, every day with the same routine. Wake up at 6, go to bed at 12. Running some errands like buying groceries, paying bills, doing house chores, sweeping floor, mopping, cleaning toilets, cooking, giving food to cats and endless chit chat with family members. Not to forget playing games and online walking. I know I'm totally gonna miss this seconds so much later when I've already working. I probably gonna be really busy most of the time would be spend in the hospital day and night and this is the only chance where I've got so much free time with zero commitments.

I guess I'm gonna start working in June after raya. Please after raya, not next month (April). I've read somewhere in the telegram there were few intakes in 2018 took about 1000+ medical graduates. Suddenly I feel so not ready for housemanship. Yes children this is what happen when you don't plan your after- grad before housemanship life wisely yet keep on wondering when I'll start my Ho ship, then complaining why so late ha this time? Didnt the government do their job? Always feel not ready but never have the initiative to start revising religiously ha- ha- ha. Should be by the time you start working, you/re ready mentally, physically and have strong knowledge on what basic is basic.

Okay now all of sudden I start imagined how it feels like seeing a collapsed patient and I am the only attending doctor in the ward that need to start doing something useful before call for help from the seniors.

......

Panic attack!

iDie.


I supposed to read on o&g emergency at this very moment yet in a flash I have the urge to write. I think I should blog regularly hmmm have been saying this many time aiyoo.

This is me with some kind of awkward pose

Other thing, I have turned 26 on 21st February. Feels old enough. I pray for a smooth sailing journey throughout housemanship, I know it is impossible, in other words I hope no matter how bad my days gonna be, I'm strong enough to face it all and complete training in 2 years. I also pray I would start a family in few years time inshallah. It's already been 8 years with the same guy, still get butterflies in my stomach whenever I see him :p

Like Paramore says, "after all this time, I'm still into you"

:)

my first umrah part 3

--------------------- continued from the second part -------------------------

Mecca Day 6

So today we went to the museum of two holy mosques to see the architecture of Masjidil Haram and Masjid Nabawi, and Hudaibiyah another place of miqat for anyone who wanted to perform the 4^th umrah. This time around I went alone, my parents were too tired from yesterday’s saie, they just stayed in the hotel rest a bit as their legs had worn out, besides they have been to this place last time. Along the way to the museum, we passed through a house without windows and doors. The windows and the doors were covered by bricks. Located in the middle of Mecca, it is called as Rumah Jinn. There were stories that whoever lives there will never survive, families after families died mysteriously in tragic way. They tried to destroy the house but never succeeded.  Hence, in order to keep the spirit from going out the house, they sealed the doors and windows with bricks so that the devils stay inside. I don’t know whether the methods working or not. Should have asked the mutawwif.

Exhibition of Two Holy Mosque 

Masjidil Haram 

how telaga zam zam once look like

The two holy mosques refer to Masjidil Haram and Masjid Nabawi. The museum is situated just beside a place where the Kaabah black covers were made. Inside, there were replicas and pictures related to the mosques. I am amazed with the revolution of telaga zam zam. Back then, our ancestors can take it from the well, can even use it for bath, they could see the well by their naked eyes, over time the well had been closed, and the taste also different. Dulu air zam zam rasa pelik. I remember when I was young, I cannot finish it because of the taste, macam payau, maybe they have put something in it, now rasa macam air mineral. I am dying to know who’s behind the architecture of Masjidil Haram, the way they designed the air zam zam system is amazing.

Hudaibiyah. Sound familiar right? How many times have you cross this name during high school? Many times especially during exam preparation. List out the content of perjanjian hudaibiyah. Come on, google pat! Haha. Despite being a famous place for miqat, it is not well taken care hmm. Around the masjid, banyak orang berjual-jual. Dekat sini pun murah. Henna here is the cheapest. Tak tipu. 10- 20 Saudi Riyal depends on the sizes lah, the smaller one 10 SR, the larger one the later. Jubah also quite cheap.  So Hudaibiyah was the last place visited before going back to Masjidil Haram for the 4^th umrah which is optional. There was delayed in the schedule. We should have been back before Zuhr prayer, we ended up arrived during the 2^nd rakaat of Zuhr. Biasalah bila ramai-ramai ni, sorang lambat orang lain affected hmm. So tak dapatlah nak solat Jemaah dekat masjid. First time I saw something that would never happen in Malaysia, I think I have mentioned it in the previous post, here in Mecca as long as you can hear the Imam, wherever you are, you can be his makmum even when youre not in the masjid. Amazing isn’t it? Dekat jalan raya tu penuh orang solat. Bentang sejadah je dah cukup. Luar hotel, depan kedai, everywhere, submit to The One.

Used to be the kaabah door 

The first Resm Usthamani Quran 

the remaining of Masjid Hudaibiyah

 

Mecca Day 7

Our final day in Mecca happened to be Friday. I was informed that every Friday there will be solat sajadah in the morning, since this was my first time, I prepared myself for it the night before, it has 3 rakaat with one salam. My dad showed me the way to perform it so I would understand better. This was my last subuh in Mecca. For the first time in my life, I got to experience rainy day in Mecca. It was raining heavily.  I didn’t even know it was raining until we finished praying. That explained why the imam just read surah lazim and not performing solat sajadah. As some parts of the mosque is still under construction, the rain get inside the building.  From the first floor, I could see people still performing tawaf. They didn’t even care of the rain, because it is where our prayers are readily accepted. 

We performed tawaf wada’ few hours before leaving Mecca for Medina.  I witnessed the great  kaabah for the last time, hoping it won’t be the last in my whole life.

The distance between Mecca and Medina is about 400km.  It takes about 8 hours by bus. When we arrived, it was already 9 pm. The weather in Medina was so cold that I needed to wear 2 layers of clothes with a sweater. Even in the afternoon it was 16-17ᵒ C. Macam dalam bilik ada aircond. Our hotel was 50 metre away from Masjid Nabawi. Like Masjidil Haram there were many gates around the masjid, we were close by Gate 15.

last subuh in Mecca 

Masjid Nabawi 

Medina 24-27 Nov 2018

Medina Day 1

One of the attractions of Masjid Nabawi is the big umbrellas. Last night when we arrived, they were already closed. I hoped I could witness and record the moment they were opened and closed however till the last day in Medina, I didn’t manage to get it. Every time we reach masjid either it already closed or opened. Sedih okay.  We were late for our first subuh prayer, so we didn’t get to pray inside the mosque. Need to come really really early to get inside, unlike masjidil haram even if you get there 15 mins before subuh you still get to pray inside the building provided it is not hajj season I guess (?) I was so cold in the morning. Imagine at 12ᵒC  with blowing wind we prayed at the masjid compound. I couldn’t concentrate, the only thing in my mind was “when this gonna end?” ya ampun teruk betul.

Going to Raudhah

In front of Usman Affan Gate 

In front of Raudhah, That is the green dome I'm talking about 

Okay, so our first day activity was a tour to Raudhah which means the garden in heaven. One of the places in which prayers are readily accepted, this is the place where our prophet Rasullullah SAW, his companions Saidina Abu Bakar As- Siddiq and Saidina Umar Al Khattab were buried. From the outside, it is marked with a green dome. I read and heard many stories of Raudhah, being able to be here was such a blessing  for me. How to know that you already inside raudhah? When you stand on the green carpet means youre already inside, unlike the other parts of the mosque which is red. It is a crowded area, too small to equip tens of people. So memang kena gilir- gilir untuk solat. There will be impatient people, pushing you here and there, you really need to be patient.  Don’t get tempered easily. One of the tips from the book I read and also from people who had been there, do pray behind any pillar. Pastu jaga sesame sendiri. For example macam when your mom is praying, you watch after her, then when it is already your turn, the other way around.

I don’t know how to describe my feelings at that moment. It feels like a miracle. It is not something that you can have every day. One thing that shot my heart, made me moved was when I got to know during our stay in Medina:

1. it is like we berjiran dengan Rasullullah SAW

2. when we say salam to him, he knows it and he actually answers it. Unlike us, the prophet when they die, they were not really dead.

3. when you pray, then you insert his name I mean macam Ya Allah berkat bumi madinah ini, dengan aku berjiran dengan kekasihmu Rasullullah, makbulkan permintaanku… the prayers is easier to be accepted.

4. whoever visit him, he will search for you to give syafaat soon in the hereafter. (this actually same goes to kaabah and bukit uhud cause this two will be in heaven)

Behind the green curtain Makam Nabi

Penuh sangat dengan orang 

Subhanallah. Maka beruntunglah orang yang memang tinggal di Madinah. This points are based on what the mutawwif had told us, correct me if I’m wrong. I was hoping that this is the final part of my first umrah, but rasa macam too many information in one post and it will be very long pulak, so I will continue the final part soon enough when I got time and ideas inshallah.

Till then,

J

cannot think of any title

I really wanted to finish the final part of my first umrah. It has been a month since my last post. Tapi semangat nak menulis tu tak datang pula. Even now I am not in the mood to write about umrah, I just want to write anything that crosses my mind at this very moment. Okayh. 

1. Housemanship 

Saya dah menganggur selama 5 bulan. Rasa macam lama tapi tak pun sebenarnya. Time flies tanpa kita sedar. Tiba-tiba je dah 5 bulan. I had heard a lot of rumours in regards to HO-ship. I have expected for the worst to happen in which bulan 10 baru masuk kerja. Yet, I am still hoping that it will started earlier, kalau boleh before raya, because I wanted to bring happiness to kids by giving them duit raya. I have read many stories of HO journey. Takde satu pun yang tak stress. Yelah mana ada kerja kat dunia ni yang tak stress. It is good to have positive stress in life, barulah kedepan. Eustress is kind of pembakar semangat. But not to forget of course ada juga negative stress. This one lah yang sampai satu tahap dah tak boleh tahan buat orang MIA or resign. 

Conclusion from the stories Ive read, expect the worst. At the same time, pray for the best. Kita orang Islam doa tu senjata yang paling powerful. Takkan ada satu doa pun yang Allah tak makbulkan. It is just a matter of time, cepat atau lambat je. So, inshallah no matter how hard my HO ship journey gonna be, I will pass it within 2 years ameen. Harapan bila dah kerja nanti, stress macam mana pun kalau boleh tak nak lepaskan dekat orang lain. Every time something hits me, I need someone to talk to to feel relieve. Back then in medschool, I talked to my room mates, Anis & Azyati. Later semua orang akan stress dengan kerja masing- masing, soooo tinggallah Shahrin ittew to hear me out. I rarely talk to my family members kalau stress ke sedih ke. Maybe later I will. 

2. Part time job 

I gave up. Reason? Takde orang nak ambil kerja. Even pakai SPM. Sobs. So bye. 

3. Cooking skills

Learned many recipes from nenek. The best part of cooking is after youve finish everything, it is time to serve your family, you see them eat and they compliment you. That is the best feeling ever. Yang tak sedap tu kena tegurlah so next time boleh improve. I only learn cooking at the age of 25, banyak lagiiiii yang taktau. Lagipun dekat rumah macam cerewet sikit, banyak makanan yang tak makan. Soooo I need to learn from internet too. 

For now, I am satisfied with my knife skills. Dulu lembap nak mampus kalau kupas bawang tu, sekarang dah lajulah juga. Potong pun dah cantik hiks. Takpe cooking is a life long learning, sampai tua pun boleh improve lagi. It is my dream to cook for my family even nanti busy kerja. Kalau tak dapat every day, every other day pun boleh. Tak dapat nak masak semua meal time, satu pun jadilah. Yang penting usaha curi masa untuk masak. Despite that, on the other hand, I hope my husband would not put so much expectation on me, having a doctor wife he should be understanding and considerate :> 

4. Preparation before HO-ship 

Baru start merajinkan diri study, revise mana yang patut supaya nanti takdelah semua taktau tak ingat bila start kerja nanti. Aiyoooo. 

5. About love 

Alhamdulliah the 8th year with Shahrin. First family- family meeting done. Inshallah ada rezeki, tak tunggu lama-lama terus jalan hihi, doa- doakanlah ea. 

6. Hmmmmmm that is all. Tiba mood rajin nanti baru sambung final part pasal umrah tu. Ya ampun sebulan dah. Tapi serious, sekali pergi sana, mesti nak pegi lagi. Rasa rindu sangat. Inshallah panjang umur, murah rezeki, sihat nak pergi lagi, hujung tahun juga sebab sejukkkkkk hihi. 

Okayyyyy.

I think it is not too late to wish you guys, happy new year you olls. 

:)