A week before final year starts.
Current feeling: anxious
We have been divided into 5 groups: surgical, psychiatry, medical, paediatrics and o&g. I always hoped for o&g first, because I want my last posting to be paeds. Dekat dengan final professional, inshallah lagi mudah. I'm suck in paeds. So thats whylah nak paeds last. Tapi macam dah rasa macam surgical posting je first sebab buat elective surgery kan and yes I ended up with surgical as my first posting. So my last posting gonna be o&g. Tak kisahlah mana dulu yang penting sekarang ni buat yang terbaik.
Though I have guts that surgical would be my first, I didnt even bother to bring surgical books home but took others home. I tried reading pdf books hmm I had difficult time to concentrate. It is much easier using the real books. Kenapalah tak bawa balik. As I'm starting to be anxious and nervous, I think of going back earlier, tapi taktau bila. Perasaan sekarang ni kan macam tengah baca buku boleh rasa cuak gila sebab dah lama tak pergi hospital, dah terasa suasana dalam ward, clerking, examining, bedside teachings, dengan tips yang dapat daripada seniors tu buat aku lagi rasa cuak. Think back hmm how I passed my third year ea? Luck je kot. Omg cuaknya nak masuk final year. 339 days till final professional exams.
I know once final year starts, time would run fast. Really fast. Yang kalau tak gunakan sebaiknya mesti akan rasa penyesalan tu, if I could turn back time.....Masa setiap orang Tuhan beri sama, tapi cukup ke tak based on how much keberkatan yang ada. Kalau Tuhan beri keberkatan waktu 3 jam study pun rasa cukup dah. I always had problems in dependency to God. I'll become more dependent when the exams are near. Allah :(
Nak bandingkan efforts dengan miracle from God hmm tak payah bandingkan kot. But still have to work harder sebab Tuhan takkan ubah nasib seseorang kalau dia tak cuba untuk mengubahnya sendiri. I really really really hope and pray for my final year to be as smooth as silk, pass every postings and of yes of course final professional exam. Graduate on time, dapat kerja cepat and urusan-urusan selepas tu dipermudahkan.
I wonder in 5 years time who am I, where am I, who am I with?
