My Pregnancy Journey So Far

My husband and I dated for 10 years before we finally tied the knot on my 28th birthday. I always thought getting pregnant is as easier as having sex. You have sex today and 9 months later pop! A baby! It was until I got married I knew that oh getting pregnant is not easy as you wish. If Allah says no, it isnt your time yet, hence no. No matter how frequent you done it, if He said no, then NO. 

It was December 2 years ago when we decided to go for fertility test. For me, they ran hormonal test and hysterosalphingography. As for my husband, seminal fluid analysis. The results turned to be normal but why cant we get pregnant? We started on fertility procedure in Jan 23. We had undergone timed sexual intercourse with clomid, gonadal F and also IUI. All ended up in failure. Dont ask me how many time I cried. 

Every single time when I got my menses.

I cried on my husband’s arms of course. He’s always there to comfort me. Never did we lose hope. We believed that it is not our time yet to become parents. Allah knows best. He will give us our little angel when the right time comes. We just need to keep praying and improving ourselves to become a better person for our little ones. 

We planned for 2nd IUI in December 23, but then I got permanent placement and transferred back to Semenanjung Malaysia. We thought like hmmm it’s ok maybe Allah has better plans for us. 

Interestingly, 1 week after I transferred to Semenanjung Malaysia, UPT positive! I was shocked. It was Sunday morning. Ive missed menses for 9 days, half of my heart said dont you ever dare to do UPT, what if it’s negative, your husband isnt here, who will comfort you then? The other half said just do it. I took a deep breath and just do it as the other part of the heart says. Anddddd it’s positive. Are you freaking serious?????? 

I still remember the moments perfectly. I video called my husband straight away, he just woke up from sleep. I showed the UPT. He was shocked too! I imagined if he’s with me that time, he would surely pull me into his arms. And I of course would shout for his name from the bathroom! Hahahaha. And he would wake up in shock. LOL. 

We were in disbelieve. Is it true? I did another urine pregnancy test in clinic and it was positive. I asked my friend to scan my abdomen, and pop! There’s a small intrauterine gestational sac. From my last menstrual period, I was just 5 weeks pregnant. No fetal pole seen yet. I printed the picture and again showed to my husband. It would be nice if he’s with me that time. Ahhhhh I hate distance! 

Truth be told, I was afraid. What if its a blighted ovum. But hey! I’m just 5 weeks pregnant remember? Relax. Take a deep breath. We wait another 2 weeks. While waiting just keep on praying that this is a viable pregnancy. I told myself. 

2 weeks had passed. 

I asked my senior to scan me, the sac was getting bigger but where is the baby? I couldnt see it! Where is the baby? It should be there! I’m 7 weeks pregnant now. It should be there. Again, I was terrified. What if my baby were never there at the first place? I tried to calm down, its ok maybe it’s too small that we couldnt see it yet. Its ok. Later, I contacted my other friend who works in private clinic that has a transvaginal scan machine. 

Later that afternoon, after work, I visited her clinic. She scanned me transvaginally. At first, we could not see the baby. I already cried, because I want this baby so much. We have been waiting for this baby for almost 3 years. The moment my friend push in the transvaginal probe further, we both saw a small fetus reside in the sac. Thats my baby!!! I cried again. But this time it was happy tears! I took a video for my husband. Again I thought it would be nice if my husband were here. Alhamdulliah ya Allah. Theres a baby finally in my tummy. Cant you believe that??? I’m pregnant! Finally! Alhamdulliah alhamdulliah alhamdulliah. Thank you Allah. 

The moment my pregnancy is confirmed to be viable, my morning sickness started. Hahahaha. I have food aversion. I craved for sweet things. At 7 am sharp I would feel nauseated and dizzy. I couldnt tolerate white rice, but I still take it in small amount. My mouth tasted funny. Most of the time, I vomitted back every single thing that I put down my throat. It was terrible experience hahaha. Luckily alhamdulliah, it lasted for only 1 trimester. 

As I entered 2nd trimester the morning sickness episodes gone. 

No more feeling nauseated, dizzy and vomitting. I did booking for antenatal follow up at 11 weeks. While waiting for the quickening (the earliest movement of baby) to be felt, I scanned myself once a week. Crazy isnt it? Hahahaha just to make sure my baby is safe. 

We went for detailed scan at 20w, few days before raya. Alhamdulliah our baby is growing well. The gender revealed! Its the baby that I keep on telling my husband to put inside me! Hahahaha alhamdulliah thank you Allah for this blessings.  2nd trimester is like honeymoon period! I can eat whatever I want. Alhamdulliah Allah gave me strength so that I can fast for the whole month of Ramadhan. My baby bump made it’s first appearance during raya! I look cute ok! Hahahaha. My breasts, tummy, hips and cheeks are growing well LOL. 

Alhamdulliah I’m currently in my 3rd trimester. Just 1 month+ left, we will then be seeing our baby inshallah. My husband is on the flight home. I’ll see him this evening inshallah. And tomorrow we’re gonna go for 5D scan. Hopefully our baby would show us her cute face! Yessssss we’re having baby girl! Alhamdulliah. 

At 3rd trimester, I’m now experiencing back pain, frequent urination, pubic symphysis diatesis, I feel hungry easily but I can only tolerate small meals if not I’d feel bloated haha. My baby is pushing my stomach! What else? Hmmmm I frequent pass wind also! Hahaha baby keep on pushing my gut makes mommy prott prottt. LOL. 

Inshallah 1 month+ left until we meet our baby girl.

Please pray for me. May Allah ease my labour process and the remaining of my pregnancy journey ameen inshallah. May our baby girl grow healthy, safe from any harm, sickness and evil eyes ameen inshallah. 

Back then when we were 4 years younger <3

Fast forward 4 years later, we’re gonna be mommy and daddy. 

See you in August H! 

Mommy and ayah love you :) 

deep thoughts

Fast forward 3 months, currently I'm in my 5th posting, Orthopedic, which leaves me one more posting to finish housemanship. Almost a month in orthopedic and I think I have totally adapted to the system in this department. Still missing O&G sometimes, I miss the smell of newborn, just freshly out from their mummy's womb, I miss being part of the beginning of motherhood, I miss the smell of liquor too ha-ha, the sound of baby's heart beat, the anxiousness whenever seeing there is a deceleration in the CTG, the excitement to cheer the mother to PUSH! PUSH! Sometime, when I look myself few years later, I'm seeing myself as an O&G medical officer, some other time, in an alternate future, I'm seeing myself as other than O&G doctor, maybe psychiatry, or working in Klinik Kesihatan. When I think I have made my decision to be in O&G team...suddenly I feel like am I suit enough to be one? 

It's okay, still have plenty of time to think. 

Now let's talk about wedding preparation. 

To be honest, I'm worried the wedding might get postponed. Look around, the COVID-19 cases keep on rising, up till yesterday the cases was 1400++. Of course as a woman I have my dream wedding. Even if the government allows only up 100 guests to be at one time, we would take that chance and do the ceremony. The problem is that, if, if the government make the rules NO GATHERINGS INCLUDING WEDDING on the date we have chose to get married, then only the solemnization would be held. The wedding? Postpone until the date to be determined later. What worries me is that what if it get postponed to months later and we were no longer in the mood to hold the wedding? 

If only the solemnization allowed in February, no wedding, I pray that we have the chance to choose the venue, and please be it HOME. Just please, so that I could have a mini wedding dais, so that we could take photos together with our families and loved ones for our own keep later. Ameen ameen inshallah. 

I agree with the fact that COVID-19 is surely a test to us all. 

Many loss their job, no money to put food on table, to keep the roof over their heads, some loss their family members due to this pandemic. I really really hope 2021 would be a good year. 

Now we are already in December, with the case shows no signs of improvement, I mean look at the numbers, everyday it is more than thousand cases, so my question is would 2021 be a good one for us? 

And the answer, 

Only Allah knows. 

Let's pray for the best

May Allah grant my prayers to get married and hold a wedding ceremony in February 2021. 

Inshallah. 

:) 

well, I'm engaged!

Let's forget about Covid-19 for a while, well...I'm engaged! 

To the same guy I keep on falling in love with each and every day since 9 years ago, 9 years and almost 7 months to be exact :p 

Yup, up till this moment we still wishing each other happy anniversary on monthly basis luls. 

Inshallah few months left before our solemnization. 

May Allah ease. 

Do pray for us. 

:) 

how to stay in love with the same person for life

When my friends asked me what keeps me in this relationship, to be honest I am not the right person to answer this kind of questions, you should asked someone who have been married for 60 years like my grandparents. I learned a lot from them. The secret of 60 years of marriage are communication, tolerance and understanding. Please note that love is NOT the only thing that makes a relationship stays. They did fight, even now they still fighting for something silly  (like siblings fight) in which looks cute to me, and they ended it with laughing luls. 

As their grandaughter, I am proud to have them. They showed me how love works. It doesnt need to be smooth all the time, it is when things go wrong, you still there to fix it. This is not a fairy tale after kissing scene they live happily ever after. This is reality. There will always be hard times. That's how life works. With difficulties, there is relief. With difficulties, we learn to be grateful and appreciate the things we have in life. I dont know how my marriage life's gonna look like, I just pray for whatever challenges that's gonna tear us apart, we will always find the way back to each other inshallah. 

:) 

2017

What are the things that you have achieved/ done in 2017? Hmm flashback mood on:

Let's turn on the music first, 

In January, I did specialized posting, if not mistaken dermatology and orl-hns. I needed to go to dermatology clinic like every single day for 2 weeks except Friday. I learnt things from books and clinic, I got to see severe psoriasis involving the scalp, hands, legs, back and abdomen, ichthyosis vulgaris, a condition in which the skin looks like fish's skin when the skin doesnt shed off the dead skin cells, leprosy, wartz, and other cases that I thought I only can see them in the book. During orl-hns, I guess I really enjoyed this posting so much. I loved the environment in this department. At that moment, I think of being an orl-hns surgeon sounded cool too. Well, that is what happen when I feel belong and attach to the department's environment. 

Born in February makes me a February baby. In early February, after orl-hns, I then did ophthalmology followed by anesthesiology. Ophthalmology was the killer among all postings in specialized posting. I did so bad in exam. Seriously. And I think I didnt enjoy that posting so much. Because of the environment I guess. And the topics were quite difficult. Plus my one fault for not revising religiously. Anesthesiology, hmmm like other postings that I enjoyed, I did wanted to become an anesthesiologist once. My birthday falls at the end of the month. This year was different that previous years, because Shahrin's mother did sent me birthday wishes kbai.

Moving to March, I had my exam, then went to Hospital Melaka for forensic posting for a week. This was not my first time seeing cadaver's body being dissected one by one. My first experience was during my third year, when I was in paediatrics posting. While waiting for occupational therapy patient, as I heard announcement "white code" my friends and I ran to the morgue. And since there was no houseman around, we got to assist the doctor dissecting the body. For the first time ever, I got to touch a human's brain. In Melaka, we got to see few forensic cases. Apart from that, the doctors also taught us about suicidal, homicidal, abuse, rape and drown cases, how wound of different characters looked like, and how to estimate the duration from the actual time of death from maggots. 

Okay right after I finished with forensics posting, I flew to Seoul, South Korea. It was my first time being there, and second time being abroad. It was early spring so the flowers were not blooming yet. It was really cold. I bet if we go there in January I wont able to go out because of the coldness. I cannot stand too much cold. What I missed the most, of course the weather, though it was cold, I like it because my make up stayed still till the evening and my skin looked brighter, not oily and hmm the korean food, its wayyyy different from Seoul Garden especially the kimchi. I would like to be here again one day. 

My April begins with Family Medicine posting. I was posted to Klinik Kesihatan Balok. Again, at that moment, I wanted to become a family medicine specialist. I heard that the passing rate of family medicine is quite low. Out of 10 candidates, usually only 4 passed. Whoever passed within 4 years at the first try consider lucky/genius. Seriously. To become a family medicine specialist, one should know at least everything of everything. Sounds complicated. Absolutely. I ended my April with seeing Shahrin after 6 months didnt see each other hihi. God I missed him so much. 

Then came May. In May I had my last posting as a 4th year medical student which is Community Medicine. In this posting, we needed to carry out a mini research within 5 weeks, hmm its more realistic to call it survey rather than research I think. Hmm I already forgot the topic, but we proposed quite few topics before finally being approved by our supervisor. To thank the participants we did hold an event where there were talk on obesity, health screening and sukaneka for the kids. Ha the most memorable thing in this posting is that we were posted to Jerantut for 3 days followed by Kampung Bantal for 2 days. We need to cross Sungai Pahang to go to Kampung Bantal, about 1-2 hours journey by boat. Like a child who never sees the stream, we did main air, simbah menyimbah antara satu sama lain hahahaha. 

Whats happened in June? Hmm exam, puasa, and raya. Ha as I passed my last posting which is Community Medicine, I then did elective posting, a requirement to get into final year of medical school for 6 weeks from July till August. My team completed a book for vascular surgery. Nothing much to be told throughout the posting since I just did my job, staying in mahallah, sometimes went out for air. 

Finally, at the end of August, I began my final year with surgical posting. I already wrote on my surgical journey thought its not much, in my previous post. Not going to repeat that. I DID GET TESTICULAR CANCER FOR MY LONG CASE!!! The case that Ive never clerked before. Luckily the examiner gave me 51/55. Thank you Dr,even I gave you such a rubbish answers. 8 weeks in surgical posting, ended in October. During interposting holiday, we went to Cameron Highlands, it was my first time and gonna be my last time too. Looks good in picture but hmm too crowded with people and biasa je kot. Kbai. But I like the weather hihi.

In November, I was posted to psychiatry posting. At the first place, I never knew that I would fall in love in psychiatry. And again, I wanted to be a psychiatrist. This is my current ambition for now, though it was quite confusing at the beginning. I didnt know how to stop talkative patient from keep on talking and how to make a quite patient speaks. 

The posting was just ended a week ago, in December. I got the exam's result yesterday. Alhamdulliah I passed. But I'm quite sad because I didnt managed to get distinction. I'm quite confident with this posting actually, but turned out I did bad in my exam. For long case, I got panic disorder with agoraphobia, clinic cases that I'm not so familiar with. My mistake for not clerking clinic cases frequently. Too much focus on ward cases like schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and also major depressive disorder. I hope I do well in the next posting which is internal medicine. 

So good bye 2017 for good. 

I'm really looking forward for 2018 because good things are about to happen. 

With that,

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! 

I WISH YOU ALL A SMOOTH SAILING JOURNEY IN 2018! 

2400 days

Happy 80 monthsarry Shahrin! 

Hope for a long lasting one, inshallah :) 

p/s: I miss you 

the man with few words

"Nak tau tak pagi tadi masa kite pergi breakfast, tetiba datang budak lelaki comel gila kat meja kite. Semorang terpaku kejap taktau nak buatpe. Mak dia takde, ayah dia je. Comel gila namateyyyyy. Dengan shirt putih baggy pastu short pants biru, topi senget sebelah. Bad boy sangat. Pastu bila nak balik dia cakap "kakak kita balik dulu" Omg so cutelah this boy"

"Oh. Awak pergi breakfast pukul berapa tadi?"

"Pukul 8/9 macam tulahhh. Dia senyum comel ngattt"

"Oh okay"

"Eiiiii tu je response?"

"Dah tu nak tanya apa lagi, bukannya kite nampak pun budak lelaki tu. Takleh nak bayangkan"

"Blerghhh. Eleh kalau lelaki 20-an yang datang mesti banyak tanyakan. Ni sebab budak kecik"

"Taklah, kalau 20 lebih kita reply K je takde nak banyak-banyak tanya"

"Eleh tipu je K je" 

"Dengan Bye sekali" 

What an expected answer from Shahrin lol.
Kbye.

after all this time, i'm still into you

Few days ago while scrolling all the way down the Facebook, I found quite an interesting article talking about 21 problems only people in long distance relationships will understand. Well, if you have been reading my blog, I bet you know that I have been in a long distance relationship since 6 years ago. Yes, 6 years of ups and downs. May this is the last one. 

Among those 21 things, there are 3 things that are really related to us.

"You find reasons to argue about irrelevant things just because you miss each other"

"You misunderstand the tone of your partner even when everything is fine"

"But in the end, you always make up. Because nothing can come close to that feeling when you do meet. And this is why you are still in that long distance relationship"

Damn, too good to be true.

But first, I think I need to clarify that it is always me who pick the fight, because I am such an immature-overthinking-clingy-and-annoying girlfriend ever. I really need to change before it is too late. I had tried many times, yet never succeeded. Why did I pick the quarrel? I just don't know why. Hmm actually I had figured out recently. And hopefully my future self, when you read this later, you have overcame the issue. 

So what are the things that can bring me to initiate the fight? Most of time because the way I read his messages was different from the way he really mean it. Well you know when you write message, I think most of us did this, we don't put commas. Without it, the sentence may become misleading. Plus the tone you use to read, made it more real. And that's how the biggest fight happened in May. Why it was the biggest? Because we took almost 2 months to reconcile. We never took more than a day. 

I thought it was the end of us, but in just a blink, I don't know, God's work, somehow we made it. Thank goodness. 

Back in 2012, we had a fight.

He told me recently that at that time he was thinking of giving up, he then asked me out the day after. He came all the way from his former study place, woke up early in the morning to rent a car, then got into the train, to come to me. And just like magic, the moment he saw me, the feelings of letting go gone like ashes. So I think the hypothesis; kalau gaduh kena jumpa depan-depan baru tau sayang taknak lepaskan, is accepted. It has been proven. We met a week ago, the feeling was still the same. I can feel it when I looked into his eyes. The way he looked at me, the way he talked to me, were all the same. Like the old days. After all the fights, we are still into each other.

May he's the one.

"At this moment of time, I just want us to be happy, together"

6 years and counting

"Awak rasa tahun depan ada "kita" lagi tak?"
"Mestilah ada"
"Tahun-tahun akan datang?"
"Ada juga"
"Kalau takde?"
"Inshallah ada"

dear you

I suppose to finish up my dermatology case write up, but then suddenly your name popped up into my phone, making my mind started to play the movie starring with you and me. You looked so good beside me, dont you know that?

Hi love, i miss you.

home is you; i said

I was just a little girl years back, wondering what would I be when I'm grow up, imagining myself as a successful woman with happily ever after relationship, blessed with cutie little pumpkins named after my favorite drama characters. Cant you believe we are approaching the end of August, 8 months had passed, a quarter of year left till 2017. God, how quick time flies, I didnt realized it, I am turning 24 in 6 months. Most of my friends had finished their degrees, started working, some had enrolled into masters program, got engaged to someone they love, now planning for their wedding, and few had got married. Well, you cannot expect everyone in this world walking the same path as you do, right? 

Somehow I missed my high school friends. It has been ages since I last met them. I don't have many friends, and I don't even have a close friend. None. I just go mingled with anyone that might have quite same interest with me, can talk to or hang out with. At the end of the day, we all will be on our own. Just be kind. 

"always be kind, as everyone is fighting a hard battle" 

I still remember the first time I landed my eyes on him. We were 16. We were in the same class for a year before the authority separated us into different classes. He was no body to me. I did never imagined that I would be so madly in love with him. It was after graduating high school, this one event happened, and finally I realized that I had this kind of weird feeling towards him. He too felt the same I guess. I was not so sure if it was right or not, turning friendship into a love-hate relationship, without even thinking the consequences that might happen if it was a failure. We will never be friends again. Never. 

It wasn't a lovely relationship in the beginning, we fought a lot, I cried a lot, thought it would be end soon, yet somehow we made it, up to now. Been together for 5 years and half never totally, completely, put me into a secured feeling, well anything can happen in the future. I shouldn't love more, I need to restrain myself from thinking of him, shall I be hurt then, I talked to myself. Wondering is he really made for me? What if, all this years are such a waste? Hmm come think of it, marriage doesn't promise forever, if yes, why there are divorcee everywhere on Earth?

Get hold of yourself! At this point of time, medical school is more important. I think this thoughts wont stop bothering until finally I know the answers. 

"is there any signs of us still being together next year and ahead?"

Who knows? Still, we need to fight for it, no regrets. 

Happy 23rd Birthday S!

May all your wishes come true Sayang.
And thank you for tolerating me, your psychotic girlfriend.
Hihihihihi :)

thru thick and thin

Happy 5th year anniversary, Shahrin.
For many more years to come,
I love you.

:)

for many years to come

Happy 56 monthsarry Shahrin. For many years to come, I hope we still eager to fight for each other like we used to no matter how bad or how hard the situation gonna be. My God ease our path to the next phase. Finish study on time, get a job and then we settle down :)

Appreciation

Aku selalu rasa aku sayang paling banyak, aku paling banyak berkorban, aku paling banyak tunjuk effort yang aku nakkan dia. Sampai satu tahap aku ulang kali ingatkan awak kena hargai tiap apa yang kita dah buat untuk awak. Padahal itu semua common sense kot. Tak payah nak ingatkan orang. Tak payah. Parents kita dari kita kecil sampai ke besar banyak yang mereka korbankan ada ulang banyak kali hargailah semua benda yang kami dah buat untuk awak. Jangan kecewakan kami. Kita sendiri tau okay depa dah banyak sacrifice untuk aku kena balas jasa dorang ni. Belajar sungguh-sungguh.

Common sense. Takyah ulang kali cakap benda yang sama. Kita ni dah cukup ke hargai apa benda yang orang buat untuk kita? Dah cukup? Nampak tak nampak je. Asyik nampak diri sendiri je yang banyak berkorban sampai rasa orang sana tu tahu goyang kaki je padahal dialah yang paling banyak buat macam-macam untuk kita. Cuma tulah tak nampak. Tak tunjuk. Sebab dia tak macam kita kerja asyik ulang banyak kali ayat yang sama. Kerja asyik nak mengungkit je apa yang kita buat.

Untung dapat orang yang penyabar. Tapi penyabar macam mana pun ada limit dia.Jangan sampai nanti-nanti dia pergi sebab diri kau sendiri.

Padan muka.

So behave!

Happy Anniversary

Selamat ulang tahun yang ke empat tahun lima bulan, Shahrin. Moga kita sampai bila-bila dengan izin Tuhan. Moga Tuhan panjangkan jodoh kita dan permudahkan urusan kita untuk ke peringkat seterusnya.

:)

Betrayal

Sejak akhir-akhir ni banyak pula cerita lelaki curang. Boleh kata dekat setiap social networking penuh cerita pasal hal-hal yang berkaitan dengan lelaki curang ni buat aku jadi takut satu, yang keduanya buat aku terfikir perempuan ni takde curang ke asyik cerita pasal lelaki je?


Ah confirm ada perempuan curang. Cumanya takde nak public sangat kot. Biasa lelaki ni senyap je takde nak cerita gebang-gebang kat public bini aku buat tahi dengan aku. Perempuan je rajin nak type pepanjang canang cerita dekat satu dunia.


Ah tapi kita takde dalam kasut depa kan. Entah muat entah tidak kaki kita nak sarung kasut depa. Gedabak sangat tak muat, kecil sangat pun tak muat. Nak marahkan si perampas je tak boleh juga. Kita manalah tahu cerita sebenarnya macam mana. Tak selamanya si perampas je yang salah. Yang melayannya pun sama. Haih.


Aku terfikir apalah yang lelaki ni nak sebenarnya. Bini tak cantik sibuk cari yang lain, dah dapat bini yang cantik pun nak juga tu cari perempuan lain. Apa lagi entah yang tak cukup? Kalau bini dia jenis yang melawan tak dengar kata ke malas ke bolehlah terima dia cari yang lain, ni kalau dah sebaik-baik kejadian tu Tuhan beri dekat dia nak juga curang ni, ha pesen ni aku tak berkenan dan langsung tak faham. Apa yang dia nak sebenarnya?


Lagi aku tak faham jenis yang tak reti bersyukur dah dapat orang yang sama-sama dengan dia thru ups and downs, buat semuanya untuk dia tak memasal nak cari orang baru. Mende tah. Serius tak boleh terima lelaki yang tinggalkan bini dia sebab bini dia gemuk lepas lahirkan anak. Lepas lahirkan anak sana sini longgar pastu kedutlah apa cari yang lagi ketat dan montok. Dah tu investlah untuk bini kau hantar p tempat pelangsingan badan ke ini tidak. Kedekut. Anak yang dia lahirkan tu anak engkau juga. Bukannya reti nak hargai.


Tak payah bising bini tak cantik kalau engkau sendiri kedekut nak keluarkan duit untuk dia. Hek eleh sangat. Ingat perempuan cantik kat luar sana yang kau tergilakan tu maintenance dia tak tinggi? Heh.


Ah lelaki perempuan kalau dah curang sama je.


Yang tak boleh blahnya sailang orang punya takpe, orang sailang dia punya kemain melenting. What you give you get backlah mangkuk. Takpayah nak sedih sangatlah orang rampas engkau punya kalau kau pun sebelum ni rampas orang punya.


Pergi mampus.

Cool Kid

Sayang awak jangan cool sangat boleh tak?

Serius aku rasa dia ni cool sangat suka tak nak tunjuk apa yang dia rasa, suka simpan sendiri, sampai aku rasa kadang macam dia tak kisah sangat dah pasal aku. Lepastu bermulalah episod cakap bukan-bukan. Aku sebenarnya takut juga kalau-kalau nanti-nanti dia dah tak tahan lagi dengan perangai aku. Aku ni pun macam jenis yang suka lelaki show off dia punya love affection je. Dia tunjuk bila dekat je. Maksud aku bila jumpa tu aku tahulah dia memang sayang aku. Tapi bila dah start jauh balik macam ni lambat reply sikit, tak call sikit, busy sikit aku dah cakap bukan-bukan. Kalau dia yang mengarut tahu pula nak marah. Mende tah. Bila nak dekat niiiiiiiiiiiiiiii? Asyik jauh je. Asyik kena tanggung rindu je. Tak sangguplah nak macam ni. Cukuplah 4 tahun lebih je long distance relationship. Tsk tsk. Kalaulah parents kitorang kasi kawin masa study. Kalaulah.

Eiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii boleh tak fokus kepada study tu dulu. Takyah nak meroyan cakap bebukan apa semua. Kawin ni bukan cinta je semata. Banyak lagi benda lain. Lepastu takyah nak cakap bebukan sangat. Nak sangat ke benda yang bukan-bukan tu jadi? Tahu nanti hilang separuh dari diri sendiri. Mana lagi nak cari orang macamtu. Mungkin ramai lelaki kat luar sana jenis yang suka show off love affection tapi adakah semua lelaki tu boleh tahan true colors kau plus depa nak hang ke? Kah!

Happy 22nd Birthday

And may all your wishes come true, Shahrin :)

Don't Let Me Fall

"But I gotta know no matter how things go

that you will be around"