Thursday, July 27, 2017

Reply 2008

Tiap kali naik kereta dengan abah, mesti dia akan dengar lagu 70/80's. Setiap kali. Tak kisahlah siapa pun yang drive, aku ke mak ke dia ke adik ke, mesti lagu lama juga yang dia nak dengar. Kalau abah tidur baru boleh tukar channel lain. Ya ampun aku dahlah tak suka sangat lagu lama. Tak enjoy langsung dengar. Macam eii apalah salahnya abah ni dengar lagu sekarang, asyik lagu lama je. Pernah je dia dengar, pastu nanti mesti complain apa ni banyak o o o pastu jerit-jerit, cuba dengar lagu lama, tenang je dengar. Hek eleh mana tah tenangnya, aku dengar hmmmm tak boleh go lah yang penting. 

Sekarang ni berlambak lagu baru keluar. Tapi tak semualah yang bebetul menusuk kalbu menikam jiwa. Ada yang boleh layan ada yang tak. Lepastu kalau tetiba radio main lagu zaman aku sekolah, amboi kemain semangat nak nyanyi, pastu mesti teringat zaman muda-muda dulu. At that moment, tetiba aku jadi faham kenapa abah nak dengar sangat lagu lama, sebab kita tend to dengar balik lagu yang kita membesar dengan. Baru-baru ni aku start buat collection lagu, aku burn letak dalam album; Awesome Mix Vol 1-3 (dah ada 3 volume). Satu aku bagi Shahrin, lagi 2 ada dengan aku. Almost semua lagu zaman sekolah dulu. Dalam album first, ada satu lagu baru, second dua, tiga takde langsung. Yang ketiga ni lagu Yuna & Hujan. Minat gila kot dulu masa sekolah. Tapi takdelah semuanya aku suka, yang jenis jerit-jerit tu memang outlah. Aku suka jenis yang slow, macam tengah cakap hahahaha. 

Masa tengah burn tu aku terberangan, nanti-nanti bila ada anak, tetiba anak terjumpa collection album aku pastu excited nak mainkan lagu yang ada dalam tu, walaupun masatu entah lagu jenis apa entah yang ada di pasaran. Aku download daripada converter youtube-mp3. Waktu cari kat youtube tu aku just wonderlah kenapa ea lagu sekarang baru keluar viewers kejap je naik beribu-riban, lagu-lagu zaman indie ni dah bertahun kat youtube pun nak dapat 500k pun payah. Oh yelah dulu zaman aku sekolah dulu bukan semua rumah ada internet, ada pun tak semua jenis yang laju. Yang connect dengan telefon tu lagilah lembap nak mampus, pakai jaring tu ha. Sekarang almost every kids dah ada smartphones sendiri, internet takyah cakaplah punyalah senang nak dapat. Kalau smartphones takde internet zaman sekarang ni kira noob betullah tu. Baik campak je baling anjing lol. K gurau. Tapi betullah apa barang guna smartphones kalau takde internet, yedak?

Aku frust gak ah masa download lagu tadi sebabnya Muda by Hujan yang aku dengar zaman sekolah dulu lirik dia lain. Dulu aku dengar "alangkah indahnya dunia jika kita semua, tak akan membesar" tapi sejak bila tah dah tukar jadi "alangkah indahnya dunia jika kita semua, melangkah ke depan". Hmm maybe sebab lirik yang first tu tak relevan kot. Yelah memang taklah kita semua stay remaja sampai bebila kan. So betullah decision diorang untuk tukar, tapi still aku frustttt. Lol. 




One of favorite songs masa sekolah dulu masa zaman-zaman indie baru nak up. Lagu ni tak pernah masuk radio rasanya. Nilah zaman shawl baru nak up gak. Waktu ni sibuk tudung yuna. Sekarang banyak pesen tudung dah ada kat pasaran. Pilihlah mana yang berkenan di hati. Kalau melayu buat cerita macam Reply series, maybe boleh buat Reply 2008. Lagu indie baru nak naik. Macam Reply 1997 pasal Sech Kies & H.O.T, Reply 1994 hmm pasal apa ek?

Tak lupa juga zaman waktu lagu Indon tengah hot gila dekat Malaysia. Ya ampun gratis bangat. Sekalilah dengan zaman indie ni. K lah bye.

Nanti-nanti :)

Friday, July 14, 2017

after all this time, i'm still into you

Few days ago while scrolling all the way down the Facebook, I found quite an interesting article talking about 21 problems only people in long distance relationships will understand. Well, if you have been reading my blog, I bet you know that I have been in a long distance relationship since 6 years ago. Yes, 6 years of ups and downs. May this is the last one. 

Among those 21 things, there are 3 things that are really related to us.

"You find reasons to argue about irrelevant things just because you miss each other"
"You misunderstand the tone of your partner even when everything is fine"
"But in the end, you always make up. Because nothing can come close to that feeling when you do meet. And this is why you are still in that long distance relationship"

Damn, too good to be true.
But first, I think I need to clarify that it is always me who pick the fight, because I am such an immature-overthinking-clingy-and-annoying girlfriend ever. I really need to change before it is too late. I had tried many times, yet never succeeded. Why did I pick the quarrel? I just don't know why. Hmm actually I had figured out recently. And hopefully my future self, when you read this later, you have overcame the issue. 

So what are the things that can bring me to initiate the fight? Most of time because the way I read his messages was different from the way he really mean it. Well you know when you write message, I think most of us did this, we don't put commas. Without it, the sentence may become misleading. Plus the tone you use to read, made it more real. And that's how the biggest fight happened in May. Why it was the biggest? Because we took almost 2 months to reconcile. We never took more than a day. 

I thought it was the end of us, but in just a blink, I don't know, God's work, somehow we made it. Thank goodness. 

Back in 2012, we had a fight.
He told me recently that at that time he was thinking of giving up, he then asked me out the day after. He came all the way from his former study place, woke up early in the morning to rent a car, then got into the train, to come to me. And just like magic, the moment he saw me, the feelings of letting go gone like ashes. So I think the hypothesis; kalau gaduh kena jumpa depan-depan baru tau sayang taknak lepaskan, is accepted. It has been proven. We met a week ago, the feeling was still the same. I can feel it when I looked into his eyes. The way he looked at me, the way he talked to me, were all the same. Like the old days. After all the fights, we are still into each other.

May he's the one.



"At this moment of time, I just want us to be happy, together"


of medical school

Alhamdulliah I had passed year 4 of medschool. Another 1 year to go inshallah before I finally practicing as a medical doctor. I could still picture the things I had gone through since I started my journey as a medical student, even before that, 2 years in foundation centre. Total up it has been 6 years. Looking back, I just can't believe I had gone this far. Just wow. The first day of medschool, I was thinking how I am going to get through this? I couldn't even brain the medical terms. Everything seemed difficult back then. But now, no matter how hard it is, with the supports and prayers I got, I know I can get through this. Though sometimes it is so frustrating, irritating, confusing, tiring, you name it, I really have a pleasant time.

May God ease my journey to be a good and competent medical doctor.
:)


Saturday, May 20, 2017

I miss Seoul already

What I do miss the most about Seoul is its weather & also the scenery.
I wish I could turn back time and stay there for a longer period.


  

Friday, February 17, 2017

abbreviation

Day 4 of life in anaesthesiology.

Awal gila anaest ni datang. Even dah keluar seawal jam 710 pagi, sampai di hospital, siap tukar baju semua dalam jam 735 pagi, anaest dah ada lama terpacak dalam OT prepare drugs untuk surgery yang akan berlangsung. Pukul berapa mereka ni sampai ya? 

Dah 4 hari dalam anaesthesiology, dah pandailah sikit bawa diri. Tolong benda-benda kecil contohnya macam pasangkan ecg, spo2, prepare drip, masukkan branula, manual ventilation, masukkan oropharyngeal airway dan juga dilute drugs. 

Jadi semalam, ada emergency lower segment caeserian section due to fetal distress. Sebelum patient masuk, aku buat-buat rajin tolong doktor dilute drugs.

"Nak tolong ke?"
"Aah"
"Okay dik, kau ambil syringe 3cc ni kau masukkan suxamethonium (a depolarising muscle relaxant, atau nama lainnya succinylcholine), lepastu kau tulis nama dia"

 Dalam hati, syringe kecil marker kemain gedabak muat ke nak tulis penuh dengan concentrationnya lagi? Jap ada tak short form untuk drug ni, aku tanya dalam hati. 

"Hmm doktor, takde shortcut ke?"

Omg what was I just saying, shortcut? Gila memang doktor akan salah faham yang aku ni pemalas nauzubillah nak tulis nama drug tu.

"Hmm takde shortcut dik, kau tulis je"

Memang doktor dah salah faham. Matilahnakkkk bad impression dah ke aku. Pemalas sungguh budak ni. Aku dengan muka yang awkward (mana dia nampak muka aku pun, aku pakai mask) siapkan kerja aku dan cepat-cepat blah.

"Terima kasih dik"
Serius dalam kepala, tak terfikir pun short form ke abbreviation ke, boleh pula shortcut yang keluar? Ya ampun. Alah hal kecil je pun. Hihihi

So nanti, bila tiba masa aku untuk jadi houseman, antara anaesthesiology & emergency, aku maybe akan pilih anaest. Takutlah nak kerja dekat ED. Harap-harap ada banyak kekosongan nanti.



Moga Tuhan permudahkan lagi 2 minggu nak exam, lepastu ke Melaka untuk forensic posting, dan hai dae han min guk ten ten ten ten ten hihiihii :) 






Tuesday, February 14, 2017

for the next 9 days

Being diagnosed with acne vulgaris, I was prescribed with 6 month course of oral doxycycline, together with topical retinoid and benzyol peroxide (up till the acnes vanished). I stopped applying the topical cream about couple of months ago since I didnt need them anymore. I went to Dr Ryna for chemical peeling twice. Thank God I found the suitable moisturizer for me, which is gel moisturizer, the cream one isnt good for me because it increases the sebum production making my face looks oily and increase the susceptibility for acne growth. I changed my mindset in which seafood doesnt cause any harm but my mindset yes. Now I can eat seafood happily without being afraid that the acnes will come back. Our mindset really plays a big role. Always be positive.

I can wear make up anytime I want, just make sure the brushes are clean, remove the make up with make up remover, dont leave any stain, dont go to sleep without cleaning the face, just dont. The only thing that matters now is my pitted acne scars. From what I've learnt only superficial scars can be treated using dermabrasion or chemical peeling but the deepers scars need to be treated by laser which cost thousands. I will continue go for chemical peeling. I believe that scars fade by time.

Referring to the title, yeay 9 days left and I dont need to take the antibiotics anymore. The next 7 days, I cam finally donate my blood. I am thinking of donating of organs once I die. I am so motivated by the uncle that donated his blood to 17 needy patients and finally had the chance to see them. I wish I can be more than that.



I really hope this is the end of my acnes story.
2012-2016.


Sunday, February 12, 2017

momma




I hope for every pain that mom endure for me, for every sacrifice she made for me, for every ringgit she wasted for me, for every sweats, for  every sleepless night worrying about me, for everything, may Allah grants her the highest place in heaven.

I love you mom.

Love, 
Your first born.


Monday, February 6, 2017

6 years and counting




"Awak rasa tahun depan ada "kita" lagi tak?"
"Mestilah ada"
"Tahun-tahun akan datang?"
"Ada juga"
"Kalau takde?"
"Inshallah ada"

Sunday, February 5, 2017

...............



Hi dear self,
If you dont study now, you wont get the job, or you might get the job but you'll be the rotten eggs, you'll put patient in danger, after 2-4 years of contract you will be terminated.

Life is getting harder. Years before we're being told that doctors are secured job. Not anymore. There are too much rotten eggs up up there, on the higher hierarchy but the government couldnt do nothing, then they came out with the solution of contract workers during housemanship & 2 years of mo-ship. And we are the one who's being affected by the rotten eggs. 

So dont add up more rotten eggs, because this time you will be expelled straight away.



Tuesday, January 17, 2017

may God bless

Perasaan bila sakit hati yang kau pendam dah lama menggunung, tapi kau tak mampu nak luahkan pada pihak yang terlibat sebab kau tahu kau takkan menang, perit gila. Balik-balik yang tua kena beralah, yang muda ni pentingkan diri betul ya? Inilah bila semua benda nak dapat, mana tahu konsep syukur. Manja. Minta je dapat. Aku dulu payah betul nak dapat satu-satu barang. Keputusan baik baru berani minta. Kalau teruk memang tak berani nak minta. Takut nak hadap parents kalau result exam tak bagus. Yang muda sekarang ni senang je kan, result dahlah tak bagus mana, budi bahasa pun kelaut, macam tu pun minta je, mesti dapat, itu pun tak sedar diuntung. Penatlah pendam perasaan ni. Kang tak pasal-pasal kena label pendengki. Hmm. Sikit pun tak dengki. 

Tahlah patutnya makin besar makin menyenangkan. Tak faham kurang ajar macam itu pun disayang-sayang lagi. Ajarlah sikit. Kalau aku yang ajar memanglah tak jalan. Bukan aku pemberi. Aku pun penerima. Kau rasa penerima nak dengar kata si penerima yang lain? Kalau dengan pemberi pun boleh buat sewenangnya inikan yang sama pangkat? Geramnya ya Tuhan. Kenapa mesti hadir orang macam ni? Sedih rasa :( 

Kadang-kadang rasa tak nak ambil tahu langsung, bahagian aku jangan diusik, dah cukup. Tapi sebab kau tak fikir orang lain, bahagian orang lain turut terkesan, kau ada fikir pasal aku? Tak ada bukan? Kau ada rasa hormat? Pun tak ada. Kadang-kadang aku harap Tuhan seksa kau biar kau nampak pengorbanan orang-orang disekeliling kau. Jangan lupa tangan yang memberi. Malang sekali, kau buta. Hati kau mati. Kalau nanti satu hari nanti, Tuhan tarik pemberi-pemberi ini, kau pernah fikir macam mana kau akan hidup? Aku yakin sekali pun tak pernah. Malah kau rasa bebas jika mereka nyah dari sini. Kau fikir kau dah besar? Hmm.

Moga Tuhan beri kesedaran pada kau. 



Saturday, January 14, 2017

dear you

I suppose to finish up my dermatology case write up, but then suddenly your name popped up into my phone, making my mind started to play the movie starring with you and me. You looked so good beside me, dont you know that?

Hi love, i miss you.