Sunday, August 21, 2016

my blood is yours

"you need to take this medication for 6 months"
"okay, if its the best to heal me, i will"

I suffered from acne vulgaris. It is not that severe, but still as a woman it bothers me much. When looking myself in the mirror, this questions keep on playing,

"so when shall this scars gone?" 
"when will I be as beautiful as other girls?"

Natural remedies never did work for me. Only medications prescribed by doctors works on me. I sometimes regretted my decision past few years for trying local products. It worked as long as I depend on it, acnes flare up when I stopped.

Glad after few days taking doxycyline, tretinoin and benzoyl peroxide, my acnes began to heal. Yet still, got lots of acne scars, redness everywhere on cheeks, pitted acne scars. Oh hell no. 

"i need to take your blood for liver function test, renal profile, lipid profile and full blood count, in case within 2 months these meds dont work on you, then we need to change to more powerful meds which is isotretinoin, ever heard of it?"
"kind of vitamin A, right doctor? why do i need to withdraw my blood then?"
"yes. i would like to see your liver and kidney function plus cholesterol level before administrating the med as it can cause increase level of cholesterol, have some effects on kidney and liver plus if youre pregnant, you cant take it since it is teratogenic"

I hope I dont need to take isotretinoin. Please God, save me from all this shits. I'm tired of being sad every time I look into myself on the mirror. For the scars, I will go for chemical peeling or maybe this one product I found on the internet, Dermagist Acne Scars Fading Cream, have to buy it online since it doent release in Malaysia, but need to consult doctor first, afraid if it doesnt work, as it costs a lot of money. I'm sick of wasting money for things that doesnt help in healing my skin. 

Just yesterday, I realized one thing, oh God I cannot donate my blood for 6 months since I will be consuming doxycline for a course of 6 months. I have goals in life. And one of them is to donate as much blood as I can before 68 years old. I am thinking of donating my heart and eyes when I die too. Well I am a big sinner. I made sins everyday. I guess my giving my blood, heart and eyes to people in need it will help me in the hereafter, inshallah. God has gave me a lot, for 23 years, I should be grateful for whatever I have now. 

I'm actually a lil bit sad. No blood donation for 6 months means 700cc blood will be wasted. I am a universal donor. People need my blood for living. As long as my blood flows in their vessels, for every good deed that they did, inshallah I get some part of it. Now imagine donating the heart and the eyes. Mashallah. May God ease me in reaching my goals. 

Till then.

Friday, August 19, 2016

home is you; i said

I was just a little girl years back, wondering what would I be when I'm grow up, imagining myself as a successful woman with happily ever after relationship, blessed with cutie little pumpkins named after my favorite drama characters. Cant you believe we are approaching the end of August, 8 months had passed, a quarter of year left till 2017. God, how quick time flies, I didnt realized it, I am turning 24 in 6 months. Most of my friends had finished their degrees, started working, some had enrolled into masters program, got engaged to someone they love, now planning for their wedding, and few had got married. Well, you cannot expect everyone in this world walking the same path as you do, right? 

Somehow I missed my high school friends. It has been ages since I last met them. I don't have many friends, and I don't even have a close friend. None. I just go mingled with anyone that might have quite same interest with me, can talk to or hang out with. At the end of the day, we all will be on our own. Just be kind. 

"always be kind, as everyone is fighting a hard battle" 

I still remember the first time I landed my eyes on him. We were 16. We were in the same class for a year before the authority separated us into different classes. He was no body to me. I did never imagined that I would be so madly in love with him. It was after graduating high school, this one event happened, and finally I realized that I had this kind of weird feeling towards him. He too felt the same I guess. I was not so sure if it was right or not, turning friendship into a love-hate relationship, without even thinking the consequences that might happen if it was a failure. We will never be friends again. Never. 

It wasn't a lovely relationship in the beginning, we fought a lot, I cried a lot, thought it would be end soon, yet somehow we made it, up to now. Been together for 5 years and half never totally, completely, put me into a secured feeling, well anything can happen in the future. I shouldn't love more, I need to restrain myself from thinking of him, shall I be hurt then, I talked to myself. Wondering is he really made for me? What if, all this years are such a waste? Hmm come think of it, marriage doesn't promise forever, if yes, why there are divorcee everywhere on Earth?

Get hold of yourself! At this point of time, medical school is more important. I think this thoughts wont stop bothering until finally I know the answers. 

"is there any signs of us still being together next year and ahead?"

Who knows? Still, we need to fight for it, no regrets.