Wednesday, February 28, 2018


February will always be my favorite month. 
First, because I was born in February. 
Second, our anniversary falls in February.
Third, hm wedding anniversary? Actually I've been daydreaming to get married on my birthday. In 2020 my birthday falls on Friday, so why not? Hehehe

What had happened in February?
I finished my medical rotation. I had my exam last week. Unstable angina for long case and decompensated chronic liver failure for short case. My long case wasnt going well. Theres so much things forgotten. I just hope that the examiner at least give me 50/55. Just please. Two more rotations before final professional exam. Next is paeds, and ends with o&g. Dah start cuak sikitlah. Scary okay final professional exam, kau fail kau kena tunggu 6 bulan ambil exam lagi sampailah pass. Kau pass hello doctorhood. I could not imagine how my life will be. One thing that I'm sure, I will be really really busy entah boleh entah tak kawin masa houseman tu. Entah cuti pun susah? Honeymoon lepas habis housemanlah macam tu. 

Okay, I went seeing Shahrin's family for the first time in early February. Atrial fluttering kau, siap ada sinus tachycardia lagi. Jantung rasa nak gugur. K tipu je. Hows the meeting? Okaylah because their main concern was his brother. Wedding day kot so me being there didnt matter much. I went there with acnes and red spots on face, memang confident habis. But then, ada je makcik bawang talked about it ingat I taktau? Positive jelah takde benda lain kot dorang nak bualkan. Maybe? Thus, I have decided to go for fractional laser treatment before I get married. I dont want to sit on the dais with scars on cheeks tak cantiklah sis. Even tak nampak pun dalam gambar but still. I want to look the best on my wedding day and marriage life. Looks like I really take their words into account? Aah memang pun. Sedih kot. K dah I nak positive, things will get better. Ada duit semua jalan. For now, graduate on time dulu. Kerja elok-elok. Buat laser. 

So next meeting? Masa convocation day kot. I hope Shahrin's convocation day doesnt clash with my trip to Yogja. I really really wanna be there. Like real crazy. Dulu masa diploma tak dapat sebab takleh ponteng kelas, so time degree ni mestilah kena pergi. I'm one of his important people kot. He said it not me :p Next step? Hmmm no plan yet. Finish medschool first. The first priority lepastu lepastulah baru fikir. 

Like last year, his mother wished me on my birthday. Thank you cik for the wishes. My birthday is 4 days apart from his mother and just 1 day difference from his sister. Senanglah nak ingat macam tu. So if we really get married in February, just wow banyaknya dia kena spend for hadiah birthdays and anniversary lagi? Kahkah. I like that idea. Ha another daydreaming, I want any of my children to be born in February too if possible on my birthday. This thing came into mind during my anesthesiology rotation in maternal operation theatre, I observed a child was born on my birthday. Tetiba rasa sebak and rasa how amazing it is giving birth on your birthday. Too much daydreaming aigoo. 

As today is the last day of my favorite month, I would like to wish for more awesome months ahead. Next February I'm gonna be home, doing part time job, waiting for housemanship placement, maybe engaged? Only God knows. 

May Allah ease everything.
Hello March. 

My recent search on youtube. I found its more interesting than the original one. So cutelah adik!

Till then,
bye people.

Monday, January 1, 2018

it's 2018 bebeyyhh


I just woke up from sleep at 4 am. This is very usual of me to sleep as early as 8 pm and wake up while everyone is still sleeping soundly (only happen in Kuantan). I prefer to sleep late and be awakened by mom every single morning when I'm home (but lately my biological clock alerts me that it's already 6:20 am, so wake up sleepyhead!) I missed home already. The best thing about living with grandparents is that, if your momma couldnt make your favorite dishes, they will, if your father couldnt bring you durian home, they will. I had fun collecting durian with them last weekend. This year is their 60th year being together :) #relationshipgoal

My ultimate goal for 2018 is to pass final professional exam in July and graduate on time as a doctor, in August. First, I need to pass these 3 postings ahead which are medical, paediatrics and o&g. I hope I get posted to the nearest hospital from home as soon as possible after I graduated. Getting married or engaged is not in the list, but if, I say if there is possibility of it, why not? Please God ease everything for me. 

Okay then, bye. 

Saturday, December 30, 2017


What are the things that you have achieved/ done in 2017? Hmm flashback mood on:
Let's turn on the music first, 

In January, I did specialized posting, if not mistaken dermatology and orl-hns. I needed to go to dermatology clinic like every single day for 2 weeks except Friday. I learnt things from books and clinic, I got to see severe psoriasis involving the scalp, hands, legs, back and abdomen, ichthyosis vulgaris, a condition in which the skin looks like fish's skin when the skin doesnt shed off the dead skin cells, leprosy, wartz, and other cases that I thought I only can see them in the book. During orl-hns, I guess I really enjoyed this posting so much. I loved the environment in this department. At that moment, I think of being an orl-hns surgeon sounded cool too. Well, that is what happen when I feel belong and attach to the department's environment. 

Born in February makes me a February baby. In early February, after orl-hns, I then did ophthalmology followed by anesthesiology. Ophthalmology was the killer among all postings in specialized posting. I did so bad in exam. Seriously. And I think I didnt enjoy that posting so much. Because of the environment I guess. And the topics were quite difficult. Plus my one fault for not revising religiously. Anesthesiology, hmmm like other postings that I enjoyed, I did wanted to become an anesthesiologist once. My birthday falls at the end of the month. This year was different that previous years, because Shahrin's mother did sent me birthday wishes kbai.

Moving to March, I had my exam, then went to Hospital Melaka for forensic posting for a week. This was not my first time seeing cadaver's body being dissected one by one. My first experience was during my third year, when I was in paediatrics posting. While waiting for occupational therapy patient, as I heard announcement "white code" my friends and I ran to the morgue. And since there was no houseman around, we got to assist the doctor dissecting the body. For the first time ever, I got to touch a human's brain. In Melaka, we got to see few forensic cases. Apart from that, the doctors also taught us about suicidal, homicidal, abuse, rape and drown cases, how wound of different characters looked like, and how to estimate the duration from the actual time of death from maggots. 

Okay right after I finished with forensics posting, I flew to Seoul, South Korea. It was my first time being there, and second time being abroad. It was early spring so the flowers were not blooming yet. It was really cold. I bet if we go there in January I wont able to go out because of the coldness. I cannot stand too much cold. What I missed the most, of course the weather, though it was cold, I like it because my make up stayed still till the evening and my skin looked brighter, not oily and hmm the korean food, its wayyyy different from Seoul Garden especially the kimchi. I would like to be here again one day. 

My April begins with Family Medicine posting. I was posted to Klinik Kesihatan Balok. Again, at that moment, I wanted to become a family medicine specialist. I heard that the passing rate of family medicine is quite low. Out of 10 candidates, usually only 4 passed. Whoever passed within 4 years at the first try consider lucky/genius. Seriously. To become a family medicine specialist, one should know at least everything of everything. Sounds complicated. Absolutely. I ended my April with seeing Shahrin after 6 months didnt see each other hihi. God I missed him so much. 

Then came May. In May I had my last posting as a 4th year medical student which is Community Medicine. In this posting, we needed to carry out a mini research within 5 weeks, hmm its more realistic to call it survey rather than research I think. Hmm I already forgot the topic, but we proposed quite few topics before finally being approved by our supervisor. To thank the participants we did hold an event where there were talk on obesity, health screening and sukaneka for the kids. Ha the most memorable thing in this posting is that we were posted to Jerantut for 3 days followed by Kampung Bantal for 2 days. We need to cross Sungai Pahang to go to Kampung Bantal, about 1-2 hours journey by boat. Like a child who never sees the stream, we did main air, simbah menyimbah antara satu sama lain hahahaha. 

Whats happened in June? Hmm exam, puasa, and raya. Ha as I passed my last posting which is Community Medicine, I then did elective posting, a requirement to get into final year of medical school for 6 weeks from July till August. My team completed a book for vascular surgery. Nothing much to be told throughout the posting since I just did my job, staying in mahallah, sometimes went out for air. 

Finally, at the end of August, I began my final year with surgical posting. I already wrote on my surgical journey thought its not much, in my previous post. Not going to repeat that. I DID GET TESTICULAR CANCER FOR MY LONG CASE!!! The case that Ive never clerked before. Luckily the examiner gave me 51/55. Thank you Dr,even I gave you such a rubbish answers. 8 weeks in surgical posting, ended in October. During interposting holiday, we went to Cameron Highlands, it was my first time and gonna be my last time too. Looks good in picture but hmm too crowded with people and biasa je kot. Kbai. But I like the weather hihi.

In November, I was posted to psychiatry posting. At the first place, I never knew that I would fall in love in psychiatry. And again, I wanted to be a psychiatrist. This is my current ambition for now, though it was quite confusing at the beginning. I didnt know how to stop talkative patient from keep on talking and how to make a quite patient speaks. 

The posting was just ended a week ago, in December. I got the exam's result yesterday. Alhamdulliah I passed. But I'm quite sad because I didnt managed to get distinction. I'm quite confident with this posting actually, but turned out I did bad in my exam. For long case, I got panic disorder with agoraphobia, clinic cases that I'm not so familiar with. My mistake for not clerking clinic cases frequently. Too much focus on ward cases like schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and also major depressive disorder. I hope I do well in the next posting which is internal medicine. 

So good bye 2017 for good. 
I'm really looking forward for 2018 because good things are about to happen. 

With that,



Tuesday, December 26, 2017


I realized now how much he has grown, while I'm still being a little girl. Somehow, I feel lucky that I found him, he's someone that I can look up to. Though we're of the same age, but he's more matured than me. I pray for a smooth sailing journey of us. We both have big dreams to be chased after, I just dont wanna stop at being a doctor, I want more than that, I want to pursue my study up till subspecialty. Whereas he got higher chance of getting full sponsorship, being recommended by his lecturers to do master in his field, and automatically after that being a lecturer in that institution. I really hope that he gets that. Result will be out by next year. He will soon finish his degree by this coming January. 

To be frank, when he told me this, I cried, I was worried that he might leave me. I was worried even more if we end up settling down at 30, because we plan to settle down between 26-28. Thinking back, I want him to give me freedom to continue my career path, so why cant I do the same? Its really unfair for him. I see now if that is his just one chance, and if he let it go because of the idea of wanting to settling down as I wish for, the chance will gone forever. While I can pursue study whenever I want (after finish housemanship UD41 for 2 years) If I dont get enough money, I can make bond with any university then, get full sponsorship and be a lecturer. 

" I dont want one day, when we get into a fight I bring out about the things that you doesnt allow me to do because youre so eager to settling down because people around you are into it" 

I get it. He's right. I think this is where the concept of give and take is applied. One of us must make rooms for the other one to shine. And then if he get chances to pursue Phd after that, should he not let it down. I'm gonna be a proud wife then. By that time we're already 27/28. I really hope that my family would allow us to get married if not have to wait more. After almost 7 years being together, I really really pray and hope that he's the one. Please God. I realized now theres no need to rushing things. When the right time comes, everything will be much easier, as smooth as silk. Talking about the right time, it can be anytime, it can be when we're 26,27,28 even 25 or 29? Let it not be 30 plus. Just please T.T 

I remember I watched a video before telling that "if your husband break your wings, you cannot fly" He that I have known for 7 years, is someone that will never break my wings. He will let me fly. I have faith in this. Thought he;s not that expressive kind of person, he got other qualities that makes me fall into him even more. May God gives him more patience to deal with me. 

Of all the things he told me,

"I'm happy seeing you happy with your friends. I like it when you hang out with your friends. I want you to make more friends. I dont mind, as long as you know the limit. Because I dont want one day when we get into a fight, you bring out about the things that I dont allow you to do. I dont want you say it in front of our kids. Its toxic in a marriage" 

That's so true man. Why I cant think of this till he told me yesterday. Hes a grown up man. And I think nows the time I should be a matured lady. I'm  gonna be 25 years old soon. I once asked him can I get "me time" when we're already married, obviously he answered yes because he wants it too. Who doesnt want "me time" you tell me. Everyone wants it. Its the time you can hang out go shopping, facial treatment, spa, either alone or with your girlfriends. 

I know the journey is still long to go. I know that. But I still wanna say this, thank God I found him. I pray day and night for a smooth sailing journey of us. May the force be with us.

Till then,

Saturday, December 16, 2017

life update?

Hello December?
2018 is approaching in half month time. How's life? Hmm okay je kot? 
Exam in 36 hours. Dah panic gila namateyy dah niii. I really really hope for passing this posting with flying colors, ameen. There's so much things Ive learnt throughout this 7 weeks and I really enjoyed psychiatry posting really much. I'm thinking of psychiatry as one of specialty that I want to pursue later. Maybe sebab environment kot. Selain minat, environment pun memainkan peranan gak. Contohnya macam posting ni, lecturers begitu dekat dengan students and the sense of belongings to ada. 

I'm looking forward for 2018 because best things are about to happen. So much wishes I have for 2018. Graduate from medschool, 60th anniversary of atuk & nenek, convocation, travelling abroad with friends, etc. May Allah ease each of it. Prof N once said whatever it is, we have to have strong faith in ourself and also our Creator. No matter how impossible it may seems, inshallah with His help it will happen. Like macam sekarang ni ada benda yang I really want it to happen by next year, takde plan pun lagi, but somehow I have faith in it. Moga Tuhan mudahkan. 

Back in Seoul. 
Rasa nak nangeslah sekarang baca tak habis-habis lagi niiii. iDie. Cant I just sleep and wake up being brilliant enough? Zzzz.