Saturday, May 20, 2017

I miss Seoul already

What I do miss the most about Seoul is its weather & also the scenery.
I wish I could turn back time and stay there for a longer period.


Friday, February 17, 2017


Day 4 of life in anaesthesiology.

Awal gila anaest ni datang. Even dah keluar seawal jam 710 pagi, sampai di hospital, siap tukar baju semua dalam jam 735 pagi, anaest dah ada lama terpacak dalam OT prepare drugs untuk surgery yang akan berlangsung. Pukul berapa mereka ni sampai ya? 

Dah 4 hari dalam anaesthesiology, dah pandailah sikit bawa diri. Tolong benda-benda kecil contohnya macam pasangkan ecg, spo2, prepare drip, masukkan branula, manual ventilation, masukkan oropharyngeal airway dan juga dilute drugs. 

Jadi semalam, ada emergency lower segment caeserian section due to fetal distress. Sebelum patient masuk, aku buat-buat rajin tolong doktor dilute drugs.

"Nak tolong ke?"
"Okay dik, kau ambil syringe 3cc ni kau masukkan suxamethonium (a depolarising muscle relaxant, atau nama lainnya succinylcholine), lepastu kau tulis nama dia"

 Dalam hati, syringe kecil marker kemain gedabak muat ke nak tulis penuh dengan concentrationnya lagi? Jap ada tak short form untuk drug ni, aku tanya dalam hati. 

"Hmm doktor, takde shortcut ke?"

Omg what was I just saying, shortcut? Gila memang doktor akan salah faham yang aku ni pemalas nauzubillah nak tulis nama drug tu.

"Hmm takde shortcut dik, kau tulis je"

Memang doktor dah salah faham. Matilahnakkkk bad impression dah ke aku. Pemalas sungguh budak ni. Aku dengan muka yang awkward (mana dia nampak muka aku pun, aku pakai mask) siapkan kerja aku dan cepat-cepat blah.

"Terima kasih dik"
Serius dalam kepala, tak terfikir pun short form ke abbreviation ke, boleh pula shortcut yang keluar? Ya ampun. Alah hal kecil je pun. Hihihi

So nanti, bila tiba masa aku untuk jadi houseman, antara anaesthesiology & emergency, aku maybe akan pilih anaest. Takutlah nak kerja dekat ED. Harap-harap ada banyak kekosongan nanti.

Moga Tuhan permudahkan lagi 2 minggu nak exam, lepastu ke Melaka untuk forensic posting, dan hai dae han min guk ten ten ten ten ten hihiihii :) 

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

for the next 9 days

Being diagnosed with acne vulgaris, I was prescribed with 6 month course of oral doxycycline, together with topical retinoid and benzyol peroxide (up till the acnes vanished). I stopped applying the topical cream about couple of months ago since I didnt need them anymore. I went to Dr Ryna for chemical peeling twice. Thank God I found the suitable moisturizer for me, which is gel moisturizer, the cream one isnt good for me because it increases the sebum production making my face looks oily and increase the susceptibility for acne growth. I changed my mindset in which seafood doesnt cause any harm but my mindset yes. Now I can eat seafood happily without being afraid that the acnes will come back. Our mindset really plays a big role. Always be positive.

I can wear make up anytime I want, just make sure the brushes are clean, remove the make up with make up remover, dont leave any stain, dont go to sleep without cleaning the face, just dont. The only thing that matters now is my pitted acne scars. From what I've learnt only superficial scars can be treated using dermabrasion or chemical peeling but the deepers scars need to be treated by laser which cost thousands. I will continue go for chemical peeling. I believe that scars fade by time.

Referring to the title, yeay 9 days left and I dont need to take the antibiotics anymore. The next 7 days, I cam finally donate my blood. I am thinking of donating of organs once I die. I am so motivated by the uncle that donated his blood to 17 needy patients and finally had the chance to see them. I wish I can be more than that.

I really hope this is the end of my acnes story.

Sunday, February 12, 2017


I hope for every pain that mom endure for me, for every sacrifice she made for me, for every ringgit she wasted for me, for every sweats, for  every sleepless night worrying about me, for everything, may Allah grants her the highest place in heaven.

I love you mom.

Your first born.

Monday, February 6, 2017

6 years and counting

"Awak rasa tahun depan ada "kita" lagi tak?"
"Mestilah ada"
"Tahun-tahun akan datang?"
"Ada juga"
"Kalau takde?"
"Inshallah ada"

Sunday, February 5, 2017


Hi dear self,
If you dont study now, you wont get the job, or you might get the job but you'll be the rotten eggs, you'll put patient in danger, after 2-4 years of contract you will be terminated.

Life is getting harder. Years before we're being told that doctors are secured job. Not anymore. There are too much rotten eggs up up there, on the higher hierarchy but the government couldnt do nothing, then they came out with the solution of contract workers during housemanship & 2 years of mo-ship. And we are the one who's being affected by the rotten eggs. 

So dont add up more rotten eggs, because this time you will be expelled straight away.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

may God bless

Perasaan bila sakit hati yang kau pendam dah lama menggunung, tapi kau tak mampu nak luahkan pada pihak yang terlibat sebab kau tahu kau takkan menang, perit gila. Balik-balik yang tua kena beralah, yang muda ni pentingkan diri betul ya? Inilah bila semua benda nak dapat, mana tahu konsep syukur. Manja. Minta je dapat. Aku dulu payah betul nak dapat satu-satu barang. Keputusan baik baru berani minta. Kalau teruk memang tak berani nak minta. Takut nak hadap parents kalau result exam tak bagus. Yang muda sekarang ni senang je kan, result dahlah tak bagus mana, budi bahasa pun kelaut, macam tu pun minta je, mesti dapat, itu pun tak sedar diuntung. Penatlah pendam perasaan ni. Kang tak pasal-pasal kena label pendengki. Hmm. Sikit pun tak dengki. 

Tahlah patutnya makin besar makin menyenangkan. Tak faham kurang ajar macam itu pun disayang-sayang lagi. Ajarlah sikit. Kalau aku yang ajar memanglah tak jalan. Bukan aku pemberi. Aku pun penerima. Kau rasa penerima nak dengar kata si penerima yang lain? Kalau dengan pemberi pun boleh buat sewenangnya inikan yang sama pangkat? Geramnya ya Tuhan. Kenapa mesti hadir orang macam ni? Sedih rasa :( 

Kadang-kadang rasa tak nak ambil tahu langsung, bahagian aku jangan diusik, dah cukup. Tapi sebab kau tak fikir orang lain, bahagian orang lain turut terkesan, kau ada fikir pasal aku? Tak ada bukan? Kau ada rasa hormat? Pun tak ada. Kadang-kadang aku harap Tuhan seksa kau biar kau nampak pengorbanan orang-orang disekeliling kau. Jangan lupa tangan yang memberi. Malang sekali, kau buta. Hati kau mati. Kalau nanti satu hari nanti, Tuhan tarik pemberi-pemberi ini, kau pernah fikir macam mana kau akan hidup? Aku yakin sekali pun tak pernah. Malah kau rasa bebas jika mereka nyah dari sini. Kau fikir kau dah besar? Hmm.

Moga Tuhan beri kesedaran pada kau. 

Saturday, January 14, 2017

dear you

I suppose to finish up my dermatology case write up, but then suddenly your name popped up into my phone, making my mind started to play the movie starring with you and me. You looked so good beside me, dont you know that?

Hi love, i miss you.

Friday, December 30, 2016

no title

I used to love blogging really much, but now wow look at me, surprisingly its already two months I left this blog untouched. It is not like I don't have time to blog, and I'm not that busy medical student staying up all day long to finish reading books, that is totally not me, I wish I were, but sadly no. Feels like I have lost passion to blog, maybe? Plus I don't have much interesting stories to be told.

At this point of time, I already passed orthopaedic posting, currently in radiology posting and tonight is the last night before I'm going to sit for end of radiology posting tomorrow.  Being a radiologist is always be my dream. Although I couldnt recall the anatomy of all the structures in the body, I still consider radiology as a speciality that I want to pursue later on. 

May God ease my way throughout medschool, housemanship and mo-ship. 

Friday, October 28, 2016

i know its kinda late, but happy birthday

Last week was my grandpa's 84th birthday. For the first time ever, I did give him a birthday present, and it really touched his heart. Seriously, I was moved from the way he conveyed thank you to me. As I am away from home, I decided to buy an online present from my favorite online shop, Zalora. I don't have much money, so I picked the coolest and the cheapest one. I ordered it on Saturday, shipped on Sunday and hurray safely delivered at home on Monday. 

All this time, grandpa is the one that pick up our parcels every time the postman come. So this time, I put his name as the recipient so that he would be surprised and happy I guess. At the same time, I was worried he would find out the price of the gift. Gladly, my sister was the one to pick up the box, phew. 

It was Monday morning when the parcel arrived. He was at the market, buying some groceries with grandma. During lunch hour (my sister is now doing internship), she went home for meal, and that was the time she presented grandpa the gift. 

Grandpa was sleeping soundly when she did enter his room. Waking him up with excitement,

"Atuk, bangun. Ni ada barang untuk atuk"
"Siapa bagi ni?" he asked curiously, opened it quickly. My sister directly took the invoice right away avoiding him from seeing it. Trust me, it was a really cheap wallet but has the highest sentimental value of course, cause he did received it from the coolest and loveliest granddaughter ever :p 
Upon seeing the coolest wallet ever, he then took out his old wallet from the wardrobe, took out all the money and cards, transferred them all into the new wallet he just got for his birthday. He looked so happy, my sister said. Upon receiving the news, I called him.

"Atuk! Dah dapat dah hadiah"
"Dah, terima kasih banyak-banyak. Susah-susah je nanti duit belanja tak cukup"
"Mana adalah tuk, bila yang murah je. Atuk selamat hari jadi yang ke 84"
"Terima kasih, susah-susah je"
"Atuk suka takkkk tuk?"
"Mestilahh atuk suka. Lagipun beg duit atuk dah koyak dahh"
"Memanglahh daripada kite tadika lagi atuk pakai beg duit yang sama. Pakai tau tukk jangan tak pakaii"
"Atuk dah letak dah semua duit & kad atuk dalam beg duit yang kau bagi ni. Terima kasih banyak-banyak. Belajar elok-elok"
"Doakan tau tuk"
"Atuk sentiasa doakan cucu-cucu atuk" 

Okay nak nangis dengar. Sure, little thing means a lot. Price doesnt matter, but the remembrance. Orang yang dah biasa susah, selagi boleh pakai selagi tulah dia pakai. The wallet has already worn out. Imagine, using the same wallet for more than 13 years. Knowing how happy he was, how moved he was, I was touched. I never thought a small gift would make him happy. Yes he is. I should be grateful at the age of 23, I still have my grandparents, while some did never seen theirs since young. 2 years from now, he would celebrate his 60th year wedding anniversary and inshallah, I would finish my medical school. He would love to celebrate this two meaningful events with our big family, provided that both of them are still alive. Long live grandpa & grandma. 

I wonder if I can live long enough as them. 84 and still strong. Sure he needs to take medications everyday for his hypertension, CKD Stage 3 and IHD NYHA class 2 but comparing to the patients I encounter in the ward, he looks much younger and stronger than them. There were times he looked depressed as he couldnt walk for 6 months due to the effect of general anaesthesia after a long operation he had when I was 17. But he recovered. I would like to talk about his strong will later. 

Nanti-nanti :) 

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

orthobots II

Ortho is fun. But too many dramas happened in a week. Last week. Miscommunication between the lecturers. Students kena halau daripada ward. Students masuk operation theater lambat. Students tak masuk langsung operation theater. Students tak cover all patients for OT or in the wards. Dan sebagainya. And my group was the leading actors/actresses. Believe me we really go into our depressed state. Yelah posting sebelum ni jadual tu macam lantaklah tak ikut pun. I went to anywhere I wanted. Macam supposedly dekat ward, but I went to A&E to nephro cliniclah ikut suka. But in ortho, that kind of attitude is unacceptable. Schedule is made to be followed. Schedule have to be respected. 

We joined other groups teaching session, and late for OT, and some didnt come in at all. Dan ini mencetuskan kemarahan lecturer kami, and we had received the punishment. And yeay drama dah habis. Kelmarin & semalam kami cari 6 lecturers untuk minta maaf atas segala silap. Thank God Dr dah cool down. Heharap takde drama season 2. Kalau ada pun pls group lain not us lagi. Penat wei bangun pagi rasa depressed. Bangun pagi rasa tak bersemangat. Tidur tak lena. Dan sebagainya. 

But seriously Ortho is fun! Banyak gila benda belajar. I have to survived this posting! I want to graduate on time. Boleh boleh. Dulu sebelum masuk dalam medical field rasa macam hmm boleh ke nak tengok mayat tengok orang terpotong kaki, kaki ke makan dengan ulat daging, bila dah masuk eleh tak takut pun biasa je. Tengok gambar lagi scary daripada tengok dedepan. Serious talk. Bila kat depan tu siap pegang lagi teliti satu-satu. Takdelah scary pun cuma busuk sikitlah.