Wednesday, July 25, 2018

final professional exam 3.0

Final Professional Exam for MBBS is freaking tomorrow!
Semalam cabut undi untuk clinical exam: long case & short case dapat hari isnin and selasa respectively. My clinical exam will start with long case and finish with 3 short cases. Ya Allah taktaulah macam mana nak describe perasaan sekarang ni. Cuma mengharapkan Allah mudahkan semuanya & clear pass. Kalau kena panggil viva pun biarkan untuk viva distinction. Walaupun nak macam impossible je nak pass, tapi kena yakin, okay Ayuz kena yakin yang Allah akan tolong hamba-Nya yang dah berdoa dengan penuh pengharapan dan yakin. Kita dah usaha, inshallah Allah akan tolong. Allah takkan biarkan kita terkontang-kanting. Ingat janji Allah pada orang yang berdoa. Inshallah Allah mudahkan. Jangan risau. Keep praying & working hard selagi ada masa ni. Allah tengok usaha kita, Allah tahu apa yang ada dalam hati kita, Allah tahu yang kita sangat-sangat desperate nak pass and graduate by this year juga. Kena yakin Ayuz.

Inshallah by next two weeks scrolling down this post, dah jadi Dr dah masatu.
Inshallah.


Monday, July 23, 2018

current status

2 days and 2 nights before final professional exam.
Taktaulah macam mana nak describe perasaan sekarang ni.
Cuma mampu berdoa je Allah mudahkan semuanya.

My daily mantra sekarang,
"sikit je lagi"

May Allah ease everything.
And semoga my beloved batch, Kaizen (17th batch MBBS IIUM) 100% pass in one go.
Inshallah.


Thursday, July 19, 2018

final professional exam 2.0

Final Professional Exam is freaking next week!
Macam tak percaya dah nak habis medical school inshallah. Memang berdoa sangat Allah beri kemudahan waktu exam nanti, ditenangkan hati, dilapangkan dada, mudah menjawab setiap satu soalan teori, dapat patients yang cooperative, examiners yang lembut hati, dan dimudahkan urusan untuk menjawab soalan examiners dengan tenang dan betul, dan ingat apa yang dah belajar di saat memerlukan. Ya Allah, Allah jelah tahu macam mana perasaan aku sekarang ni. Banyak sangat tak cover lagi. Sekarang ni cuma mampu berdoa apa yang aku dah baca yang tulah masuk exam, dan diberikan petunjuk untuk baca tajuk-tajuk yang akan masuk exam nanti. 

Semoga kami satu batch 100% pass final professional exam in one go. Tak boleh bayangkan kalau ada salah seorang yang tercicir. Semua orang nak pass. Takde seorang pun nak fail. Orang-orang yang dah pernah rasa fail macam aku, lagilah trauma. Bukan senang nak bangkit balik daripada gagal. Susah. Hari-hari minta dengan Allah bagi kekuatan. Aku rasa failnya aku masa medical posting itu ialah turning point bagi aku. Selama ni takdelah nak bergantung sangat pun pada Allah, doa pun cincai tiba-tiba je dah habis. Tak faham sangat pun konsep rezeki. Bila dah fail haritu, barulah sedar semuanya yang hidup kita ni macam mana pun perlu berpaksi pada Allah. Bila kita dekat Dia lagi dekat. Bila kita jauh, jauhlah Dia. Lainlah perspektif aku tentang hidup lepas aku fail haritu. Hidup ni kalau kita bergantung pada usaha kita sahaja memang takkan rasa cukup, rasa tak tenang, risau, tapi kalau kita letakkan pergantungan kita pada Allah, disamping usaha yang selari, inshallah rezeki tu mencurah datang lagi kalau kita yakin Allah tolong, Allah ada sentiasa ada, Dia dengar, Dia nampak, dan kita percaya Allah takkan kecewakan kita.

Sekarang dah nampak hikmah fail itu hari. Lagi satu konsep syukur. Tak pernah fail sebelum ni, daripada first year sampailah ke final year berderet pass sampai syukur tu dah tak sepenuh hati. Dia rasa macam okay pass so what? Next time mesti pass punyalah. Sekali Allah jentik bagi fail sikit terus terduduk meraung macam apa. Teruk aku nanges haritu. Sampai mak & abah risau sangat takut aku buat benda yang tak elok. Lepas fail haritu, baru nampak semuanya. Bila kita bersyukur, Allah akan bagi lebih lagi. Oh dan aku lepastu lebih kerap call parents minta doa. Sebelum tu jarang sangat. Seminggu sekali dua minta doakan pun sebelum nak exam je. Lepas fail tu tiap kali call  mesti akan minta doakan. Call nenek & atuk pun makin kerap. Kadang kita lupa doa parents & orang yang sayang kita nilah yang buat urusan kita mudah. Kalau tengok usaha je tak cukup weh. Banyak faktor lain yang menyebabkan seseorang tu berjaya selain usaha semata. Kuasa doa tu dan rahmat Allah lagi power daripada usaha semata. Semuanya kena seiringlah. 

Aku memang desperate gila nak pass final professional exam and graduate tahun ni juga. Cukuplah sekali haritu rasa peritnya fail tu macam mana, cukuplah sekali tu keceweakan mak,. abah, nenek &atuk. Aku percaya Allah akan tolong. Dia takkan biarkan hambaNYA sedih lama-lama. Bila kita minta, kita mohon dengan penuh pengharapan dan percaya, Dia takkan kecewakan kita. Allah itu ialah seperti apa yang kita sangka. Jadi bersangka baiklah. Inshallah. Aku dah mampu bersyukur Allah failkan aku haritu, tegur aku, supaya aku dekat dengan Dia, berharap dengan Dia. Jadi bila aku dah dekat, dah bergantung dan berharap pada Dia, aku yakin dan percaya inshallah Dia takkan kecewakan.





Sunday, June 10, 2018

Final Professional Exam

5 years journey of medschool is coming to the end inshallah. Only Allah knows how anxious am I right now knowing the final professional exam is next month. Yes freaking next month!!! How scary is that. Banyak benda dah terbayang. So much worrisome. Everyone is fighting their own battle. Semua orang tengah work hard, semua orang takut, semua orang nak graduate on time August tahun ni juga. Same goes to me. The fact that I had failed medical posting itu hari double the fear. This is my last chance to be eligible for final professional exam. Inshallah inshallah pass. Sekarang ni cuma Allah je boleh tolong. Tak bolehlah nak describe macam mana perasaan sekarang ni. Kadang duduk senyap-senyap rasa nak nanges, nanges juga. I know semua yang dah pernah fail sekali mesti nak yang terbaik and pass final posting ni, juga final professional exam. I'm not alone. Alhamdulliah orang sekeliling pun bagi semangat. In need of positive vibes and segala macam kata-kata semangat sekarang ni. Any negative vibes sorry tak layan. 

The only thing that can save me during exam is Him of course and ilmu-ilmu daripada first year. Ya Allah scary gila. Tapi tulah dulu sebelum first professional exam, ingat lagi Mr Arif ada cakap, buat apa kita duk fikir perkara yang dah lepas or risaukan benda yang akan datang. Yang dah lepas, lepaslah. Yang akan datang ni, semua depends on harini. So kalau kita buat baik-baik, kerja keras, usaha sehabis baik, inshallah, Allah izinkan untuk kita dapat kejayaan di masa depan. Tak payah duk takut, risau. Just wasting your timelah. Baiklah masatu digunakan untuk susun strategi work really hard for the future. Selain usaha, kena doa banyak-banyak. Inshallah Allah tolong. Allah takkan biarkan hamba-Nya seorang diri. Kena percaya. 

"As long as you pray, you knock the door of Allah. And whoever knocks the door of Allah, He will open it"
Walaupun deep inside still ada risau, takut, inshallah inshallah semuanya akan dimudahkan. 
Ameen.  

#46daystillfinalprofessionalexam 
#keepstrong


Sunday, April 29, 2018

fast forward 5 months

Hi. 
It's been a while.

The reason why I didn't bother to blog for a long period is because I was trying to recover from my failure. The thing is I failed my third posting, internal medicine. For 5 years in medical school I never ever failed in any postings or blocks. This was my first time. My mom said I always get what I want that's why I at lost, I cried so bad, till I couldn't utter any words out of my mouth. My parents were terrified as if I'm going to do something worst. I guess I've already move on. Before, I always said that I'm so much comfortable with myself, I'm in comfort zone, I always passed no matter how playful I was, how not serious I was with the postings, I didn't study much, I loved sleeping and wasting my time. After my failure, I was too afraid to fail another posting, I got two more after internal medicine which are paediatrics and o&g. Fail another one, I have to repeat a year while my friends already graduated and being a doctor. I'm so not gonna make that happen. So what happened after that? 

I changed. I studied hard than before. I made notes. I participated well in class. I pray a lot. I've mentioned in my previous posts how my dependence toward God was lacking. Not anymore. I sought strength, patience, and guidance from Him. I know to Him can I only rely on. When no one can help you, it's 1-1 between you and your Creator. I cried in my prayer. I was lost. Few days back, deputy dean called me to his office pertaining to this issue. He asked me how do I feel now? I'm glad that I failed Prof. If not I'll still be in my comfort zone. "But only once". Yes Prof, only once, no more after this. Inshallah with His help, I'm going to sit on final professional exam this July and graduate as a medical doctor in August 2018. Inshallah. I will work harder in my final posting, o&g which will begin in May. I had my exam last Monday & Tuesday. Truth be told, I never felt at ease like that. God helps me a lot. He ease everything. I think that was the smoothest clinical exam I ever had. Inshallah I will continue my hard work and seeking Him like I'm doing now. I crossed into my friend's instastory and it's really touched my heart, 

"When it's bad, pray, when it's good, pray"

Allah. I think I'm an ungrateful creation. For all the things He have done, I hmmm :( I would like to thank to all people who are there when I needed the most. Less than 3 months left for final professional exam, and 50 days + for end of o&g exam, it is my ultimate wish to pass it all and graduate together as a medical doctor with my fellow comrades this coming August. 

Whoever reading this post, please pray for me.
May Allah bless you guys.
Ameen.