my first umrah part 2

------------------------Continued from the the first part------------------------------

I did second tawaf sunat on day 2 in Mecca right before asr prayer after lunch time. Did you know solat Jemaah in masjidil haram gives you 100 000 merits than praying in any other masjid on earth? That’s really a huge amount. To compare, that 100 000 is about 80 years praying Jemaah in your place. Mashalllah, so which favours of Allah would us human deny anymore?  May Allah accept our ibadah ameen.

My mother and I today discovered a comfortable prayer area upstairs, nearby gate 90. As there were thousands of people in the masjid, your slippers might go missing, or maybe stolen, but never ever said something negative. Don’t ever say, oh man so many people, if I put the slippers here, it might get stolen by someone. Never dare to say that. Wallahi, the moment you finish praying, the slippers already gone. What did I do, every time I place my slippers I recited this du'a:

Inshallah the slippers will never gone missing.

One of the things that I miss a lot about Mecca and Medina is that, the masjid guards will call every male “Haji” and every female “Hajjah”. “ya hajjah hajjah, come here” some called us female “ibu, maju maju” telling us to go the front saf. Yelah muka pun dah lebih kurang je melayu ke Indonesia ke so they just call everyone from nusantara as ibu.

Mecca Day 3

Our second umrah. We went to Tanah Halal in Tana’im. We visited masjid Saidatina Aisyah, performed solat sunat ihram there, and berniat umrah inside the bus. I forgot to take pictures of this masjid. Compared to masjidil haram and masjid nabawi, although this masjid has many visitors each day, but it is not well taken care especially the toilet and ablution area. Same goes to Masjid Hudaibiyah. Its okay, just bare with it.  We came here from far away land just to worship the almighty. Be patient, selawat and istighfar banyak-banyak. It is sunat for us after reciting niat umrah, to bertalbiah. The one that you hear from tv, labbaikallah humma labbaik. Yes, that one is called talbiah. It is like us His servant answer for His call. We did bertalbiah inside the bus, and upon entering Tanah Haram, the mutawwif lead us to recite a doa.

Upon arriving masjidil haram, we did the second rukun umrah which is tawaf and complete the rest of it. Even before going for umrah, I prayed a lot to be able to perform prayer inside hijr ismai, unfortunately till the last day in Mecca I did not managed to get inside it. Takde rezeki. Inshallah next time. Theres too many people. I didn’t even dare to get close to Kaabah, afraid someone would push me. Imagine, Arabians, Turkish, Iranis are at your right, left, at the back and in front of you, their body built are way bigger than us tiny Malaysians. Once they push you, you might astray from keeping your left shoulder 90 degrees to the kaabah.

Picture of me in front of Masjidil Haram. 

Mom and Dad in front of Holy Kaabah. 

As we started off early in the morning, alhamdulliah we were able to finish our umrah before zuhr prayer. Finally today we succeeded in finding Saji Restaurant. The teh ais costs SR 5. Ya ampun mahal bener, tapi sedap bangettt. Lagi kaw daripada dekat Malaysia. Serious, tak tipu.

I don’t know why, but going to masjid in Tanah Haram was really exciting. It was like a parade, people from different directions walk together to go to masjid to perform Jemaah prayer. It is something that I couldn’t feel in Malaysia other than the month of Ramadhan. After each prayer, everyone disperse to whatever places they wanna go. I love how it felt  like to be in that sea of people. May Allah give me another chance to feel that way again.

Mecca Day 4

In the morning we attended a talk on Fadhilat Tanah Haram, bacaan yassin and also tahlil arwah. Then, for the first time we took a walk around the hotel area, went window shopping, there are a lot of stalls nearby the hotel selling everything you name it, nuts, sejadahs, tudungs, jubahs, bags, hennas and a lot more. I bought a jubbah, initially cost SR 80, got SR 40 after bargaining. 50% discount thanks to my relatives who such a sweet talker :P To be honest, shopping in Medina is much better than Mecca actually, lot of people said that, and I would like to agree on that too. Maybe because the stalls in Medina are well arranged, the sellers are a lot more gentle and welcoming, and most of the goods are actually from Medina so the prices are much more cheaper. Some say SR 3000 isnt enough to shop in Medina. Like seriously? Haha.

Morning view in  front of our hotel (while waiting for the bus) 

I should have taken pictures of stalls in Medina and Mecca to show you the comparisons. How come I forgot to take it aiyooo. We didn’t take too long to shop, back to hotel an hour before zuhr prayer. I did another tawaf sunat today after asr prayer without my parents, they needed to save their energy before the third umrah tomorrow. As I have mentioned before,  umrah requires a lot of energy especially saie. So that’s why. I didn’t go back to hotel after tawaf sunat, I just stay in the masjid waiting for maghrib and isyak prayer as it takes about 30- 45 minutes to complete 7 rounds of tawaf, and the moment I finished it, it’s already 30 minutes before maghrib prayer. Hence, instead of wasting my time walking to hotel, it’s better to use the time wisely doing something useful like reciting quran for example.

I managed to get a spot in front of the kaabah for maghrib prayer, but suddenly I became hesitate is this place really for women to pray, or it’s actually men’s, if it’s men’s later on the guard will ask me to go find another place to pray? I asked around but none speaks Malay and English, so I ended up praying upstairs at the same spot me and my mother used to pray. Should have just stay at the spot, it is only once in a lifetime. Besides, the spots in front of kaabah rarely empty, always filled with people, and I just missed the chance to be close enough to it.

This is how it looks like outside of Masjidil Haram

Mecca Day 5

Before performing our third and last umrah, we did go visiting few well known places in Mecca which are Jabal Rahmah, Arafah, Mina, and Muzdalifah. I’m sure the names sound familiar right. Jabal Rahmah is also called Love Hill where Prophet Adam met his wife, Eve after 40 years searching for each other. It is located in Arafah. This place is one of the places where prayers are readily accepted. Usually people come here praying for their jodoh with their spouse to last forever.

Arafah that I saw in tv during hajj season was way different from the Arafah I finally witnessed by my own naked eyes. All this time I thought Arafah is like a barren land, but not anymore.  It is now far more greeny, has so many trees and plants. During hajj season, there will be many tents installed for millions of people that will gather in Arafah, which is one of the rukun haji. Last hajj, about 3 millions of people gathered here to answer The Call. Inshallah soon it will be our turn.

Other than that, I just knew that Arafah, Mina and Muzdalifah are actually close to one another. Muzdalifah is the place where people will spend a night after gathering in Arafah, before going to Mina to stone the devil (melontar jumrah).

Mom and Dad at Jabal Rahmah. 

Mina, the place to stone the devil

Along the way to Jaaranah, the place for miqat, we passed through few camel farms. Starting from 2014 if I’m not mistaken, Malaysia government has prohibited Malaysian pilgrims from visiting camel farm due to the emergence of Mers-CoV. Hence, we can no longer take photos side by side with the camel like our ancestors used to do sobs. My grandparents had one. Despite that, you can still enjoy eating camel’s meat if you want.

We started off today quite late. We were scheduled to start our ziarah at 7 am in the morning actually, but due to some problems, it was delayed 1 hour later. The bus which was meant to carry us for ziarah got stuck with the authorities. It is quite strict here in Mecca. Only after zuhr prayer we managed to perform saie and finish our umrah an hour and half before asr prayer. This time around, my father’s legs  gave away, they couldn’t bare the weight of his body anymore, so we pay SR 100 for someone to push him by wheelchair during saie. One of his legs got shot during his days as an army to fight against the communist, and the other one broke in a motor vehicle accident.  He’s 67 years old now. Not strong anymore like the old days L

Behind Mom is Bukit Safa. 

Saie area. 

2 days left before leaving Mecca for Medina, we decided to ate at Saji Restaurant for the last time. Here, in Mecca, every time near prayer time, the shops and stalls will be closed immediately. Surprisingly they do not technically close the shops, they just cover them with some fabric or clothes. It shows their dependence towards Allah is high enough till they can just leave their shops like that without even worried someone might steal their goods, their money, do something bad or anything. I am amazed. This one will never be seen in Malaysia. 

-------------------to be continued------------------

my first umrah part 1

I have never imagined that I would answer His call and set my feet on the sacred land at the age of 25, alhamdulliah, thanks to my parents for bringing me there as a gift for passing medschool. Indeed, this is the greatest gift ever. My umrah journey started on 17 nov to 28 nov 2018. 7 days in Mecca and 5 days in Medina. I just came back from Medina like a week ago. So I would like to share how it feels like to be there for the first time, inshallah this shall not be my last time, ameen. If it was the first and last, may Allah accept all my ibadah and place me in the good place in the akhirah. 

Before going deep into the story in Mecca and Medina, the first thing that is very important in every trip is of course preparations, physically, mentally and spiritually. As for physical preparations, things that is really tiring and requiring lots of energy in umrah is saie. Especially for the eldest, it might be easy pessy for us youngsters to complete 7 trip of saie, from safa to marwah, marwah to safa, but for the eldest trust me it is tiring. In our last umrah, my father required someone to push him with a wheelchair, paid 100 SR for it. My mother who is obese and has knee osteoarthritis some more, getting slower and slower towards the end of the umrah. We did 3 umrah overall. 2 months before going for umrah, in September, my mother and I started to do morning walk every weekend so that our body will not become shock doing saie for the first time. It had been our weekend morning routine. I think it helps, not a lot lah, but okaylah, at least our legs can withstand during saie. 

As for spiritual, I think most of us know. Apart from go to kursus umrah and do a lot of reading, do solat sunat taubah, seek forgiveness from Allah and people around, go pay your debt to people, do a lot of prayers, seek for Allah's help to ease everything during umrah. And for mental, it is currently winter season in Saudi Arabia. It was so cold in Medina. Malaysia is way hotter than Medina. So cold till my skin dried so much, we didnt even dare to switch on the air conditioner. 

Other than that, preparations to packing the clothes and personal thingy. No need to bring lots of clothes, theres laundry there in the hotels, and if you dont want to use the service, just wash yourself lah, trust me, it doesnt take much time to dry. 

Walking to Masjidil Haram. The white building in front is the Masjidil Haram. 

MECCA: 17 NOV - 23 NOV 2018 

We departed from KLIA at 1030 am  Malaysia time, and arrived Jeddah around asr Saudi Arabia time. Couldnt recall the exact time. Arriving Jeddah, we straight away took the bus to Mecca, arrived the hotel at 700pm + already isyak time there. Our hotel is about 200 metres away from Masjidil Haram. We already recite the niat umrah inside the plane, 1 hour before arriving Jeddah, the place for miqat from Malaysia is called Qarnul Manazil. People from different parts of the world, have different place for miqat. If already in Haram land (Tanah Haram), the miqat is at the Tanah Halal like Tanaim, Hudaibiyah and Jaaranah. Yes, we have learned this all during school years, but I only understand it well after going to kursus umrah hehe. 

When I first landed my feet on the Haram land, I was so amazed looking at thousands of people from all over the world come to perform umrah, answering to His call. We come from different races, colours, cultures and background, all came here with the same purpose, to submit the almighty Allah SWT. 

Picture of Kaabah in the morning. I forgot to take the night view. 

Mecca Day 1

Arriving the hotel, after getting our room keys, performing maghrib and isyak prayer, and cleaning ourselves, we perform our first umrah in a group. Every group will be lead by a mutawwif, provided by the travel agency. So this mutawwif, is actually like a guider, he will lead us performing the umrah, showing us the area around Mecca and Medina, telling us the story of each historical places while during ziarah and many more. Like I said before, the distance between my hotel to Masjidil Haram is about 200m, took about 5-10 minutes. As I walked to the masjid, I felt some kind of mixed feeling. First, I was afraid if Allah blinded my eyes that I couldnt see the greatness of Kaabah, I heard somewhere this one man couldnt even see the Kaabah even he's actually standing right in front of it, he did solat taubah then, and pooofff there you go, he saw the Kaabah then. Second one, I heard in kursus umrah, the first time you see Kaabah, if tears go down your cheeks, your eyes will be saved from the hellfire. Ive been praying for this things to happen. I really really wanted to feel moved when I see the Kaabah for the first time. I really am.

There are many doors to enter masjidil haram. Gate 79, King Fahd Gate, if you enter the masjid thru this door, you can see the Kaabah right in front of you after few metres walk. That night we entered thru gate no 88. It was 10 pm Saudi time, many people were still inside and outside of the masjid. Some slept on the floor outside the masjid, usually Indians and Pakistani. Upon entering the masjid, my heart felt like wanted to explode, my eyes were busy searching for Kaabah, my lips kept on mumbling please Allah let me see the Kaabah and let the tears flows, my legs just followed the mutawwif, going down the escalator, and finally right in front of me was the holy Kaabah. Mashaallah. This thing I only see on tv before, is finally right in front of me. I suddenly felt moved, out of sudden tears started rolling down, but not much enough to wet my cheeks, but alhamdulliah. 

So, performing umrah, there are 5 rukun umrah. Niat, tawaf, saie, tahallul and lastly tertib. We already niat at Qarnul Manazil, and now was the time for tawaf. 7 times around the Kaabah. For the first time, I could witness Maqam Ibrahim, Hijr Ismail, Hajarul Aswad, Pancuran Emas by my own eyes. Finish the 7 round, then performing the solat sunat tawaf, drank air zam zam, followed by saie. We started saie around midnight, as my parents couldnt walk fast, and I need to follow their pace, we finished an hour later, tahallul which is cutting at least 3 strands of hair, and return back to hotel at 2 am. Subuh in Mecca is quite earlier than Malaysia. We had only about 2 hours to rest before fajr. 

This is how it looks like if you enter masjidil haram thru gate 79. King Fahd Gate. You can see Kaabah from here. 

Mecca Day 2

As we had about 7 days in Mecca, we performed umrah in every other day meaning day 1, day 3, day 5, and day 6 is optional. The other days were free time, so we were given time to do whatever we like. Some went to the masjid, to iktikaf, performing more ibadah, some went sight seeing around Mecca, and some went for shopping. I started my second day in Mecca with solat subuh jemaah. In Mecca, during subuh , azan will be recited 2 times, the first one is 1 hour before the actual time. Even it was still 45 minutes before subuh prayer, the masjid was already filled with people. The places right in front of Kaabah were already fulled. I didnt discover upstairs prayer area yet this time, so I just prayed on the hallway right beside the zam zam container. In Mecca, you can pray everywhere around the masjidil haram, but not in Medina. After the subh prayer, we (my father and I) decided to do tawaf sunat. There are many tempat mustajab doa around the kaabah such as makam ibrahim, hijr ismail, under the pancuran emas and multazam. Alhamdulliah, we managed to pray in front of the multazam. I hope all my prayers were readily accepted by Him. Ameen. 

Then, we went back to hotel. One of the things that I love to see while in Mecca was the pigeons. There were so many of them! What a majestic view! I have recorded some videos of many flock of pigeons flying, ada dekat my instagram in the highlight area if you wanna see hehe.

Hungry pigeons. 

The food provided by the hotel were all nice. I think the cook is either Malaysian or Indonesian. Memang kena betullah dengan tekak melayu. Bare in mind, in Haram land you have to watch out your mouth. No bad talking. Only talk good things. For example, you get bad food, do not try to say any bad words, just eat them all. During nenek last umrah, she did complained on her food, you know what happen then? Food never taste better till the last day she's in Mecca. Same goes to the weather. No matter how hot it is, just bare with it. Dont complain, ya Allah panasnya. Trust me, you will feel hot throughout your stay, based on other people experience. 

Day 2 in Mecca ended well. We did go sight seeing around Zam Zam Tower. Actually we were looking for Saji restaurant that is owned by Malaysian, thought it is in the zamzam tower, rupanya in Safwa Tower. Only in day 3 ke day 4 tah we did finally find it! Food tastes nice in Mecca especially kebab and nasi arab. Not to forget, ice cream too! Some say ice cream in Mecca is the best in the world. Yeke? Haha. 

---------------------------------------To be continued---------------------------------------

how to stay in love with the same person for life

When my friends asked me what keeps me in this relationship, to be honest I am not the right person to answer this kind of questions, you should asked someone who have been married for 60 years like my grandparents. I learned a lot from them. The secret of 60 years of marriage are communication, tolerance and understanding. Please note that love is NOT the only thing that makes a relationship stays. They did fight, even now they still fighting for something silly  (like siblings fight) in which looks cute to me, and they ended it with laughing luls. 

As their grandaughter, I am proud to have them. They showed me how love works. It doesnt need to be smooth all the time, it is when things go wrong, you still there to fix it. This is not a fairy tale after kissing scene they live happily ever after. This is reality. There will always be hard times. That's how life works. With difficulties, there is relief. With difficulties, we learn to be grateful and appreciate the things we have in life. I dont know how my marriage life's gonna look like, I just pray for whatever challenges that's gonna tear us apart, we will always find the way back to each other inshallah. 

:) 

pouring rain

It's pouring outside. I remember exactly 2 months back, Diyana and I were on the way back to mahallah (in IIUM we call hostel mahallah, it is an arabic word), it was raining heavily, we barely managed to get into the car. The rain was so heavy as it obscured the view, and it was freezing cold too! I told Diyana, I heard somewhere that during the rain is when the du'a is readily accepted. So did we pray inside the car for everyone in our batch to pass final MBBS exam in one go. It was actually 2 nights before the result announcement. 

If you asked me how does it feels like back then, I was really really desperate to pass medschool. If it's not due to the du'a from my parents, grandparents, friends, lecturers, patients and maybe my cats as well (I believe if we do good to animals inshallah they will pray for us in return), I might not reach to this stage. How powerful a du'a is till it is called a weapon for Muslim, yet I sometimes skip making one :( 

It's still raining outside. 

Let's pray for whatever wishes you dream for come true. 

:) 

how I spend my long holiday before housemanship

Even before sitting final professional exam, I have already had tons of plans how to spend my holidays. Fast forward, its been 2 months at home and only some of the plans get really done. 

1. Part time job 

I worked at the bakery, from 1230 pm to 930 pm (full) or 430 pm to 930 pm (half day). It was hard at first as theres no break in between. The only break is when theres no customers. I need 2/3 times break for praying purpose. The owner is a Chinese man. Half of the workers are Malay Muslims but none of them go praying. I asked for nearest place to pray, and they say masjid that is 2 mins drive from the bakery. Its not far but to go out 3 times, for each at least 15 mins total up its 45 mins. 

The boss didnt really like the idea of going out for praying, unless I replace the 45 mins by coming work earlier than scheduled. So I agreed with that. Thats one of the reason why they, the Malay Muslims dont go praying. Work& money over praying. It is so wrong. The one that gives you money is Him not the boss. Even the male didnt go for Jumaat prayer. I did asked one of them why didnt you pray, the answer is they feel guilty going out during working hour  even for praying. Nevermind. 

Other than the prayer part, the rest are okay to me. I need to pack the bread & cookies, arranging them, entertain the customer that wants to buy cakes, making waffles, washing the dishes & mop the floor. After a week, its become easy. Of course for someone who never work for her entire 25 years of life, its difficult at first to do the chores. I become close to other staffs & boss mother. I called her apo which means grandma.

Unfortunately, when I started to become comfortable with the job, boss asked me to quit. Want to know why? My bad. I did tell one of the staffs that I wont work long, probably after a month and half I'm gonna quit or maybe take a break as I have my convocation and going to Saudi for umrah in November. She straight away told boss. Few days later, boss asked me to leave as he wants a permanent worker and already found one, he thought i would be there till before housemanship which is around April 2019. Lesson learnt do not tell anyone in your workplace whats in your mind especially things that related to work. I did cry when apo hugged me, she told me this "you have a good heart, I know youll be a good doctor" 

Other than the bakery, Idid apply cikgu ganti & waiting for any vacancy in the nearest pharmacy. 

2. Learn how to cook 

So since i'm not working anymore, I have so much time at home, I learned cooking with grandma. She taught me how to cook masakan kampung and kuih tradisional. Now I can cook sambal, tiga rasa, lemak, pindang, kicap and simple veggies dishes. Still so much things I havent learnt like masak kari, masak kurma, rendang and many more. 

3. Spend time with family 

At the age of 13, I went to boarding school which is MRSM Pontian, now known as MRSM Tun Dr Ismail for 5 years, continuing my studies in CFS IIUM for 2 years before enrolling medschool in IIUM Kuantan for 5 years. Total up 12 years away from family. I missed many family events. The one that I really regretted for not attending was 50th wedding anniversary of atuk and nenek.

It was in August 2008 school holidays,  I was 15, going to sit for trial PMR and I had additional class. I thought it was just yasinan (in Johor like every weekend there will be Yasin recitation in appointed house from a small group of people. The house owner will serve food after the recitation) I called nenek telling her that i couldnt go home, nenek convinced me that its just a small gathering makan-makan, so dont worry and study for exam. Few days later, I went home and then I knew its not just yasinan, it was their anniversary. I cried a river. 

Hence, now is the time for me to really spend time with my family. Later, when i got into housemanship, i will get really really like really really busyyyy. How to spend time with family? Its easy. Attend wedding together, cooking together, chit chat, watching tv together, accompany them to hospital, going shop together. Basically, just do everything together. 

4. Watching television 

I purposely didnt copy any movies or series into my laptop and turned out to be a lil bit bored at home. Thanks to mak, she allowed me to cut sports channel and subscribed movie packages for only RM 111.30 per month. Cheaper than before. 

5. Feed the cats 

Every morning, I would give my 6 cats a mixture of rice and whiskas. They really love it. I used to have more than 10 cats at home, but due to accidents and diseases only 6 left. 

6. Scrolling the socmed 

Luls. 

I should have startes revising now but hmm can i save it for later? hihihihi. Let me enjoy my holiday first. Some of other things that I planned to do are planting flowers, selling popia nestum and carbonara. 

And also, to blog regularly! Like every week or maybe more often than that? 

Till then, 

Bye. 

x

final professional exam 4.0: the day I become a doctor

Alhamdulliah, dah habis medical school. Dah jadi doktor dah pun since dua minggu yang lepas. Boleh bayang lagi momen dean panggil nama sorang-sorang with Dr. in front of each names, telling we have passed the exam & have become a doctor. Unfortunately out of 144 students, 5 of our friends didnt make it, have to undergo supplementary for 6 months and resit final professional exam in February next year. Failing an exam in medschool doesnt mean youre stupid, the exam itself is cross sectional. Case yang orang dapat lain-lain.

Macam aku itu hari semuanya rezeki. Alhamdulliah dapat long case nephrotic syndrome, dalam melayunya buah pinggang bocor in which pagi before exam tu, ada sorang kawan tanya how to manage nephrotic syndrome, and i showed her step by step. Sampai turn long case, tarik je langsir patient tu, hmm patient paeds and active gila. Tanya parent dia, encik anak sakit apa ya? Nephrotic syndrome jawabnya. Allah, nikmat mana lagi nak aku dustakan? Alhamdulliah everything went well from clerking sampailah present case and sesi menjawab soalan examiners. 

Short cases: uterine fibroid, bronchiectasis and lipoma. To be honest my short cases were worse compared to long case. Tapi alhamdulliah Allah kurniakan patient yang cooperative and examiner yang lembut hati. Rezeki orang lain-lain. Ada yang dapat case susah Chromosome 10, epigastric mass yang daripada cerita dorang sampai ke sudah tak dapat diagnosis, thyroid examination in paeds, ada yang dapat cranial examination in paeds. Susah bagi aku, maybe senang bagi mereka. Susah nak cakap exam in medschool ni. Lagi-lagi bila kita berdepan dengan manusia ni. 

Yang bagi lembut hati semua tu Allah. Knowledge pun bacalah macam mana pun kalau Allah nak bagi lupa, memang blank teruk waktu exam. Sebab tulah kebergantungan pada Allah kena sangat kuat. Bukan masa exam je. Dah jadi doktor pun nanti. Siapa je yang boleh mampu kita ingat semua management waktu patient datang dekat emergency dengan nak kena buat semua benda pantas, dan cekap kalau bukan Allah? And failing in exam doesnt mean kebergantungan pada Allah tu kurang, it means Allah nak uji. And He knows orang tu boleh handle ujian tu. Yang pass pun ujian juga. Allah nak tengok bila kita senang kita ingat dia tak. 

Alhamdulliah I have passed 5 years of medschool and dah jadi doktor. Sekarang tengah tunggu panggilan housemanship. Harap sangat dapat kerja dekat hospital yang terbaik, dapat staffs yang cooperative, senior doctors yang banyak membantu dan lembut hati, dan dimudahkan urusan nak merawat patients yang datang ke hospital dengan baik, diingatkan apa yang dah belajar selama di medschool di saat memerlukan. Dilindungi daripada sifat ujub, riak, takbur dan angkuh and sentiasa jadi hamba yang humble dan tak lokek dengan senyuman walaupun penat sangat. Memang setiap saat perlukan Allah. Dah habis satu-satu yang lain pula datang. Dia je yang boleh tolong.

As my medschool journey ends here, pasni boleh buat label baru: houseman life ke hospital life ke hihi. Sementara nak tunggu kerja ni, nak cari kerja sementara as guru ganti ke tapi plannya lepas balik umrah nanti bulan november ni. Sekarang nak duduk rumah je dulu kot hmmm sebab ada ke majikan yang nak bagi cuti sebab banyak sangat plan nak pegi sana sana sebelum november. So better cari kerja nantilah kottt. 

Nanti-nanti,

:) 

p/s: selamat pengantin baru pada semua yang kawin sekitar bulan ni. doakan turn ittew pulakkk hihhihihi. 

final professional exam 3.0

Final Professional Exam for MBBS is freaking tomorrow!

Semalam cabut undi untuk clinical exam: long case & short case dapat hari isnin and selasa respectively. My clinical exam will start with long case and finish with 3 short cases. Ya Allah taktaulah macam mana nak describe perasaan sekarang ni. Cuma mengharapkan Allah mudahkan semuanya & clear pass. Kalau kena panggil viva pun biarkan untuk viva distinction. Walaupun nak macam impossible je nak pass, tapi kena yakin, okay Ayuz kena yakin yang Allah akan tolong hamba-Nya yang dah berdoa dengan penuh pengharapan dan yakin. Kita dah usaha, inshallah Allah akan tolong. Allah takkan biarkan kita terkontang-kanting. Ingat janji Allah pada orang yang berdoa. Inshallah Allah mudahkan. Jangan risau. Keep praying & working hard selagi ada masa ni. Allah tengok usaha kita, Allah tahu apa yang ada dalam hati kita, Allah tahu yang kita sangat-sangat desperate nak pass and graduate by this year juga. Kena yakin Ayuz.

Inshallah by next two weeks scrolling down this post, dah jadi Dr dah masatu.
Inshallah.

current status

2 days and 2 nights before final professional exam.
Taktaulah macam mana nak describe perasaan sekarang ni.
Cuma mampu berdoa je Allah mudahkan semuanya.

My daily mantra sekarang,
"sikit je lagi"

May Allah ease everything.
And semoga my beloved batch, Kaizen (17th batch MBBS IIUM) 100% pass in one go.
Inshallah.

final professional exam 2.0

Final Professional Exam is freaking next week!

Macam tak percaya dah nak habis medical school inshallah. Memang berdoa sangat Allah beri kemudahan waktu exam nanti, ditenangkan hati, dilapangkan dada, mudah menjawab setiap satu soalan teori, dapat patients yang cooperative, examiners yang lembut hati, dan dimudahkan urusan untuk menjawab soalan examiners dengan tenang dan betul, dan ingat apa yang dah belajar di saat memerlukan. Ya Allah, Allah jelah tahu macam mana perasaan aku sekarang ni. Banyak sangat tak cover lagi. Sekarang ni cuma mampu berdoa apa yang aku dah baca yang tulah masuk exam, dan diberikan petunjuk untuk baca tajuk-tajuk yang akan masuk exam nanti. 

Semoga kami satu batch 100% pass final professional exam in one go. Tak boleh bayangkan kalau ada salah seorang yang tercicir. Semua orang nak pass. Takde seorang pun nak fail. Orang-orang yang dah pernah rasa fail macam aku, lagilah trauma. Bukan senang nak bangkit balik daripada gagal. Susah. Hari-hari minta dengan Allah bagi kekuatan. Aku rasa failnya aku masa medical posting itu ialah turning point bagi aku. Selama ni takdelah nak bergantung sangat pun pada Allah, doa pun cincai tiba-tiba je dah habis. Tak faham sangat pun konsep rezeki. Bila dah fail haritu, barulah sedar semuanya yang hidup kita ni macam mana pun perlu berpaksi pada Allah. Bila kita dekat Dia lagi dekat. Bila kita jauh, jauhlah Dia. Lainlah perspektif aku tentang hidup lepas aku fail haritu. Hidup ni kalau kita bergantung pada usaha kita sahaja memang takkan rasa cukup, rasa tak tenang, risau, tapi kalau kita letakkan pergantungan kita pada Allah, disamping usaha yang selari, inshallah rezeki tu mencurah datang lagi kalau kita yakin Allah tolong, Allah ada sentiasa ada, Dia dengar, Dia nampak, dan kita percaya Allah takkan kecewakan kita.

Sekarang dah nampak hikmah fail itu hari. Lagi satu konsep syukur. Tak pernah fail sebelum ni, daripada first year sampailah ke final year berderet pass sampai syukur tu dah tak sepenuh hati. Dia rasa macam okay pass so what? Next time mesti pass punyalah. Sekali Allah jentik bagi fail sikit terus terduduk meraung macam apa. Teruk aku nanges haritu. Sampai mak & abah risau sangat takut aku buat benda yang tak elok. Lepas fail haritu, baru nampak semuanya. Bila kita bersyukur, Allah akan bagi lebih lagi. Oh dan aku lepastu lebih kerap call parents minta doa. Sebelum tu jarang sangat. Seminggu sekali dua minta doakan pun sebelum nak exam je. Lepas fail tu tiap kali call  mesti akan minta doakan. Call nenek & atuk pun makin kerap. Kadang kita lupa doa parents & orang yang sayang kita nilah yang buat urusan kita mudah. Kalau tengok usaha je tak cukup weh. Banyak faktor lain yang menyebabkan seseorang tu berjaya selain usaha semata. Kuasa doa tu dan rahmat Allah lagi power daripada usaha semata. Semuanya kena seiringlah. 

Aku memang desperate gila nak pass final professional exam and graduate tahun ni juga. Cukuplah sekali haritu rasa peritnya fail tu macam mana, cukuplah sekali tu keceweakan mak,. abah, nenek &atuk. Aku percaya Allah akan tolong. Dia takkan biarkan hambaNYA sedih lama-lama. Bila kita minta, kita mohon dengan penuh pengharapan dan percaya, Dia takkan kecewakan kita. Allah itu ialah seperti apa yang kita sangka. Jadi bersangka baiklah. Inshallah. Aku dah mampu bersyukur Allah failkan aku haritu, tegur aku, supaya aku dekat dengan Dia, berharap dengan Dia. Jadi bila aku dah dekat, dah bergantung dan berharap pada Dia, aku yakin dan percaya inshallah Dia takkan kecewakan.

Final Professional Exam

5 years journey of medschool is coming to the end inshallah. Only Allah knows how anxious am I right now knowing the final professional exam is next month. Yes freaking next month!!! How scary is that. Banyak benda dah terbayang. So much worrisome. Everyone is fighting their own battle. Semua orang tengah work hard, semua orang takut, semua orang nak graduate on time August tahun ni juga. Same goes to me. The fact that I had failed medical posting itu hari double the fear. This is my last chance to be eligible for final professional exam. Inshallah inshallah pass. Sekarang ni cuma Allah je boleh tolong. Tak bolehlah nak describe macam mana perasaan sekarang ni. Kadang duduk senyap-senyap rasa nak nanges, nanges juga. I know semua yang dah pernah fail sekali mesti nak yang terbaik and pass final posting ni, juga final professional exam. I'm not alone. Alhamdulliah orang sekeliling pun bagi semangat. In need of positive vibes and segala macam kata-kata semangat sekarang ni. Any negative vibes sorry tak layan. 

The only thing that can save me during exam is Him of course and ilmu-ilmu daripada first year. Ya Allah scary gila. Tapi tulah dulu sebelum first professional exam, ingat lagi Mr Arif ada cakap, buat apa kita duk fikir perkara yang dah lepas or risaukan benda yang akan datang. Yang dah lepas, lepaslah. Yang akan datang ni, semua depends on harini. So kalau kita buat baik-baik, kerja keras, usaha sehabis baik, inshallah, Allah izinkan untuk kita dapat kejayaan di masa depan. Tak payah duk takut, risau. Just wasting your timelah. Baiklah masatu digunakan untuk susun strategi work really hard for the future. Selain usaha, kena doa banyak-banyak. Inshallah Allah tolong. Allah takkan biarkan hamba-Nya seorang diri. Kena percaya. 

"As long as you pray, you knock the door of Allah. And whoever knocks the door of Allah, He will open it"

Walaupun deep inside still ada risau, takut, inshallah inshallah semuanya akan dimudahkan. 

Ameen.  

#46daystillfinalprofessionalexam 

#keepstrong

fast forward 5 months

Hi. 

It's been a while.

The reason why I didn't bother to blog for a long period is because I was trying to recover from my failure. The thing is I failed my third posting, internal medicine. For 5 years in medical school I never ever failed in any postings or blocks. This was my first time. My mom said I always get what I want that's why I at lost, I cried so bad, till I couldn't utter any words out of my mouth. My parents were terrified as if I'm going to do something worst. I guess I've already move on. Before, I always said that I'm so much comfortable with myself, I'm in comfort zone, I always passed no matter how playful I was, how not serious I was with the postings, I didn't study much, I loved sleeping and wasting my time. After my failure, I was too afraid to fail another posting, I got two more after internal medicine which are paediatrics and o&g. Fail another one, I have to repeat a year while my friends already graduated and being a doctor. I'm so not gonna make that happen. So what happened after that? 

I changed. I studied hard than before. I made notes. I participated well in class. I pray a lot. I've mentioned in my previous posts how my dependence toward God was lacking. Not anymore. I sought strength, patience, and guidance from Him. I know to Him can I only rely on. When no one can help you, it's 1-1 between you and your Creator. I cried in my prayer. I was lost. Few days back, deputy dean called me to his office pertaining to this issue. He asked me how do I feel now? I'm glad that I failed Prof. If not I'll still be in my comfort zone. "But only once". Yes Prof, only once, no more after this. Inshallah with His help, I'm going to sit on final professional exam this July and graduate as a medical doctor in August 2018. Inshallah. I will work harder in my final posting, o&g which will begin in May. I had my exam last Monday & Tuesday. Truth be told, I never felt at ease like that. God helps me a lot. He ease everything. I think that was the smoothest clinical exam I ever had. Inshallah I will continue my hard work and seeking Him like I'm doing now. I crossed into my friend's instastory and it's really touched my heart, 

"When it's bad, pray, when it's good, pray"

Allah. I think I'm an ungrateful creation. For all the things He have done, I hmmm :( I would like to thank to all people who are there when I needed the most. Less than 3 months left for final professional exam, and 50 days + for end of o&g exam, it is my ultimate wish to pass it all and graduate together as a medical doctor with my fellow comrades this coming August. 

Whoever reading this post, please pray for me.

May Allah bless you guys.

Ameen. 

it's 2018 bebeyyhh

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

I just woke up from sleep at 4 am. This is very usual of me to sleep as early as 8 pm and wake up while everyone is still sleeping soundly (only happen in Kuantan). I prefer to sleep late and be awakened by mom every single morning when I'm home (but lately my biological clock alerts me that it's already 6:20 am, so wake up sleepyhead!) I missed home already. The best thing about living with grandparents is that, if your momma couldnt make your favorite dishes, they will, if your father couldnt bring you durian home, they will. I had fun collecting durian with them last weekend. This year is their 60th year being together :) #relationshipgoal

My ultimate goal for 2018 is to pass final professional exam in July and graduate on time as a doctor, in August. First, I need to pass these 3 postings ahead which are medical, paediatrics and o&g. I hope I get posted to the nearest hospital from home as soon as possible after I graduated. Getting married or engaged is not in the list, but if, I say if there is possibility of it, why not? Please God ease everything for me. 

Okay then, bye.