Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Life and Death

While studying vascular surgery for vascular guidebook, I realized that all this time, I didn't study for the sake of knowledge. I just want to finish everything as fast as possible, learning and memorizing for the sake of passing the exam, habis exam lupa. Even though I've learnt many things back then, I couldn't recall them. First, because there's no repetition. Second, for exams. Third, hmm maybe because kebergantungan kepada Tuhan tu kurang. Nak exam baru sibuk mencari, masa senang lupa :(

And while making this vascular guidebook, I started to feel the burden of final year medical students. Mana nak study untuk final professionalnya, untuk posting exams lagi. Back then, masa third year, whenever the lecturers asked about management, bolehlah nak cakap we didn't learn it yet, fifth year nanti Prof/Dr. And now, tak lama je lagi, I'll finally become the final year medical student who will be facing final professional exam from 27/7/2018- 3/8/2018. 360 days to go. With 5 postings overall, 8 weeks including exam week, no study week, kalau leka tu or tak start revising awal, memang cari nahaslah. 

I suddenly felt all this burden while reading the management of venous ulcers, nampak benda pelik je rasa macam hmmm do I need to know this details? Like hello, dulu masa third year bolehlah cakap macam ni, sekarang ni nak fifth year dah okay, you're going to be a doctor inshallah, kenalah tahu. If not been asked masa exams pun, still kena tahu, for the sake of knowledge, and of course for management of patients in the future. 

"You are not study to pass the test. You study to prepare for the day when you are the only thing between a patient and the grave" 

Gulp. Between life and death.

I really really need to change this kind of attitude and mindset. It should start from now masa tengah buat vascular guidebook ni lagi. I can do this! Jadikan stress tu as a drive untuk lebih semangat dan maju ke hadapan. Bukan duk merungut tak habis-habis. 

May God ease my journey throughout final year and pass final professional exam with flying colors.