I am so fucked up

I am not okay.

I am seriously not okay :(

I am so messed up. 

Last two months someone broke into my car and today I lost my iPhone. It happened really fast. The incident happened in the bus station as I was going to buy ticket for upcoming holiday. I planned to be home by next Wednesday. I parked my car at the roadside and walked to the station with my friend, Farah. It just a 2-3 minutes walk . I remembered clearly that I carried the phone with me. As we walked to the station, I remember there was no other people walked behind or beside us. It was just us. Reaching the station, I suddenly realized that the phone wasnt with me. It was weird. Because I hold it with my hands. Seriously man. If the phone falls on the ground I would noticed it. It was not the first time it falls. There was no such thing as kena pukau or what. We didnt talk to any strangers. 

I was being positive "Oh maybe I didnt bring the phone at the first place. Maybe it stills in the car. Okay we'll find out later. To the counter first" 

I bought the ticket and a dark chocolate drink with oreo topping, went back to the car. We searched through the car and it was not there! I didnt put the phone into silent mode so I asked Farah to call my phone. No sounds heard. The call was connected but no answer. Of course the culprit wont answer it! We tried searching from the way we came to the station. It was not there. We asked Akak that parked the car behind mine if there is any signs of people coming near my car when I was at the station, and she said no! Then Farah called Kak Syu asking for help thru the apps of find my iPhone. And taraaa! my phone was moving away from me.

I didnt know what to do. It was precious to me. I cant imagine this morning was the last time I saw it forever. Hmm. So what did I do? Make a police report? Of course not, tell me what can they do? I did nothing except crying. Such a lil brat I am. Kak Syu turned the phone into the lost mode so that the one that stole it cannot get access to it unless s/he knows the password of mine. Of course s/he need to call me first for the password. Do you think they have courage to call me? Of course not. So it means that the iPhone that they just stole is nothing without me. Apple is way good in terms of security. Even if they send it to the Apple store, do you think it can be recovered? Without my apple id and the password of course not!

Yes I am happy to know that they can do nothing with my phone. And yes I am sad too because that phone was very precious to me, it have some sentimental value that even I buy the new one it is not the same. It wont be the same ever :(

If hope they find their way to God.
Till then.

a week in labour room

In o&g there are 2 wards (antenatal ward & gynae ward) and 2 labour rooms (high risk & low risk) need to be covered. Thus, students are divided into 4 groups and will be assigned to cover each wards respectively according to weeks. There is weekly rotation. As for my group, the first week is labour room, followed by antenatal ward, low risk labour room and the last one which happen on the 4th week is gynae ward. Week 5&6 in Hospital Temerloh, 7,8,9 back to HTAA. Study week in 10th week and exam in 11th.

o&g according to the name refers to the field of study focusing on the pregnancy, childbirth, postpartum period and health of female reproductive systems. We call it as the science of women.

It is far way different from my previous posting (paediatrics; study of kids). Before, I went to the ward seeing bundles of joyful kids as if they were not sick at all, clerking their parents for history taking. Now I come for preggy mommies. Preggy mommies are beautiful. I wonder how will I look like during my pregnancy later. Suddenly it reminds me of a movie entitled "What To Expect When You Are Expecting" how the characters wanted to be pregnant so badly. Well not all women can feel it. Some cannot pregnant at all, while some experience miscarriage or stillbirth (death in intrauterine life or few minutes/hours after birth). Be grateful of what God gives you.

The first day in labour room, I didnt have courage to look at the vaginal delivery. There are 8 cubicles. Each are covered with a blue curtains. I just stood behind the curtains in dilemma whether to look at or not and ended up with a "No". I wasnt scared to see it, it just that I didnt know how to approach the patient, the doctors, the midwives and the staff nurses.

I started my second day with a little courage by hook or by crook I have to at least observe one vaginal delivery. Arrived early before 8am I straight away went to the labour room. There was about 3-4 cubicles occupied with mommies who were almost ready to give birth. It was my first time ever seeing repair of episiotomy, vaginal delivery of single baby and twins for live.

The last day in labour room, I felt like home already.

The first thing to do when a baby is born, is wipe and dry. Suction (i dont know whats the name of the device, poor me) will be done if s/he remain silent, must be some obstruction in the airway that prevent them from crying. Then the nurses will hold the baby up, show them to the mommies and bonding started. Bonding should be started as early as possible. I was moved seeing the bonding between them. The babies know their mommies. They stop crying in their mommy's arm. I couldnt hold my tears when I saw it.

There are two things that makes me moved.
First is bonding between the babies and the mommies. The second thing is how the husbands willingly to stay besides the wives from before delivery till the end. They stood behind the wives, holding hands, never stopped "selawat and zikir" and lots of thank you kisses for giving birth to beautiful babies. It touched my heart when the father started to "azan&iqamah" welcome to the world my kid be a good man. Oh God. I want to have a chance to feel these things in my life. If You would allow me.

Apart from spontaneous vaginal delivery, I'd seen ventouse delivery too. Delivery with the help of vacuum. Remind me of 3 idiots. Ha-ha. The mommy had try her best to push but the baby wont come. There was fetal distress. To prevent further injury to the mommy and baby, vacuum was introduced.

We cannot predict whats gonna happen during delivery. Some deliver with ease. Some need to use instruments to aid, some need to undergo lower segment caesarean section or worse death during delivery. Pray hard.

Heard from my friends 2 days ago, there was a 12-year old girl in the labour room waiting for the delivery, being raped by her own blood, her 14-year old brother. I dont know how that girl is going to cope with the world later on. At the young age having a child, how about school? How about her future? Education is important, man.

Two things can happen after being raped, whether she become addicted to sex or end up being depress resulting in mental disturbance and commit suicide.

May God ease.

Hey Manse!

Till then.

Second day in o&g posting

Taktahu mana nak mula.

Harini dah masuk hari kedua posting o&g. Perasaan dia lainlah serius tak sama macam mana posting paeds dulu. Kalau dulu masuk ward jumpa kanak-kanak. Sekarang jumpa ibu mengandung. 

First week ni group aku dekat labour room. First day ya tohan memang blur gila taktau nak buat apa. Even pagi tadi pun datang labour room taktau nak buat apa. Bukan takde orang yang nak bersalin. Ada je tapi taktau cane nak approach nak tengok the process of labour tu. Rupanya situasi dalam labour room ni takdelah macam dalam drama melayu tu pun. Lain benor. 

Dah datang awal sebelum pukul 8 tadi dah terpacak takbuat pape baik duduk dekat bilik je tido. Dengan tak baca apa lagi pasal labour aku pun masuklah bilik bersalin tu in the middle of repairing the episiotomy. Episiotomy ni ialah procedure di mana kita gunting sikit vagina tu untuk mudahkan process delivery. Aku masuk-masuk sister tengah jahit episiotomy tu. First time tengok depan mata. Dulu sebelum masuk o&g ingatkan aku akan pengsan kepe dalam labour room, ingatkan darah memancut keluar takpun semua tu drama je lebih aku ni blerghhh. 

Lepas tengok sister repair episiotomy tu tengok normal delivery pula. Ha labour room yang aku pergi ni untuk high risk mothers macam yang ada diabetes, infections, darah tinggi, lahir tak cukup bulan, twins and above dan apa lagi tah aku tak baca lagi ;( 

Best o&g ni sebab dapat tengok depan mata apa yang dah belajar. Tapi masalah aku belum baca langsung pasal labour jadi dia tak rasa best sangatlah sikit-sikit tanya dokter ni buatpe, dokter kenapa buat camtu bla bla bla. 1 jam 4 pages je aku dapat. Haihh pasni kena 1 jam tu satu chapter. Fighting! 

Yang normal delivery aku tengok tu dia preterm labour (tak cukup bulan). Tengok dari mula labour sampailah dokter cuci uri dia. Pastu second delivery, twins delivery. Excited gila kot tengok twins delivery. Kawan-kawan yang dah posting o&g sebelum ni ada je yang tak dapat tengok langsung twins delivery yelah bukannya senang kan. Excited gila . Dedua anak perempuan. Masa scan tengok ada satu placenta bila cek placenta tu ada 2 sebenarnya so bukan kembae seiras tapi boleh jadi seiras ha. 

Jadi 3 hari lagi yang tinggal dekat labour room ni haruslah dimanfaatkan dengan baik. Dah cepat baca pasal labour! 

Nanti-nanti :)