Sunday, April 29, 2018

fast forward 5 months

It's been a while.

The reason why I didn't bother to blog for a long period is because I was trying to recover from my failure. The thing is I failed my third posting, internal medicine. For 5 years in medical school I never ever failed in any postings or blocks. This was my first time. My mom said I always get what I want that's why I at lost, I cried so bad, till I couldn't utter any words out of my mouth. My parents were terrified as if I'm going to do something worst. I guess I've already move on. Before, I always said that I'm so much comfortable with myself, I'm in comfort zone, I always passed no matter how playful I was, how not serious I was with the postings, I didn't study much, I loved sleeping and wasting my time. After my failure, I was too afraid to fail another posting, I got two more after internal medicine which are paediatrics and o&g. Fail another one, I have to repeat a year while my friends already graduated and being a doctor. I'm so not gonna make that happen. So what happened after that? 

I changed. I studied hard than before. I made notes. I participated well in class. I pray a lot. I've mentioned in my previous posts how my dependence toward God was lacking. Not anymore. I sought strength, patience, and guidance from Him. I know to Him can I only rely on. When no one can help you, it's 1-1 between you and your Creator. I cried in my prayer. I was lost. Few days back, deputy dean called me to his office pertaining to this issue. He asked me how do I feel now? I'm glad that I failed Prof. If not I'll still be in my comfort zone. "But only once". Yes Prof, only once, no more after this. Inshallah with His help, I'm going to sit on final professional exam this July and graduate as a medical doctor in August 2018. Inshallah. I will work harder in my final posting, o&g which will begin in May. I had my exam last Monday & Tuesday. Truth be told, I never felt at ease like that. God helps me a lot. He ease everything. I think that was the smoothest clinical exam I ever had. Inshallah I will continue my hard work and seeking Him like I'm doing now. I crossed into my friend's instastory and it's really touched my heart, 

"When it's bad, pray, when it's good, pray"

Allah. I think I'm an ungrateful creation. For all the things He have done, I hmmm :( I would like to thank to all people who are there when I needed the most. Less than 3 months left for final professional exam, and 50 days + for end of o&g exam, it is my ultimate wish to pass it all and graduate together as a medical doctor with my fellow comrades this coming August. 

Whoever reading this post, please pray for me.
May Allah bless you guys.

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